Imperfect
by ObsessiveImpulsiveDisorderly
Summary: I knew all about scars. I had many of my own. Maybe not the kind which left blemishes on my skin, but the kind which would be forever etched in my memory. He had scars too. So maybe that was what made us wrong - We could never heal each other. JxB ExB JxA
1. Prologue

Here's the prologue of my first fanfic. Chapter 1 should be up tomorrow, so i hope you all like this enough to bother reading it!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or its characters (unfortunately)

* * *

Change is inevitable. Even the most unbelievably perfect of lives cannot stay that way, because the world won't let it. It's always ready to throw some new obstacle at you, which could either turn your life in a different direction, or bring it tumbling down around you as the shattered remains of what you once remembered to be your pleasant existence. It's always the same, no matter who you are. Change can occur for the most diminutive, or the most immense, of reasons. Maybe the decision to leave your hometown, or the unthinkable death of a loved one. The hurt of losing something precious to you, or losing a friend you thought would always be there for you.

However the change occurs, whether it be hurtful or for the better, it will always leave behind the feeling that you have lost something.

Because that's what change is. Leaving behind the worst of yourself and finding the…best…?

I know I did not leave behind the worst of me when I met Edward Cullen; but I certainly did not find the best either. My life changed completely, and yet I didn't change at all.

My name is Bella Swan. And I have lost everything.

* * *

That's it! Please review to let me know what you all think so far

thanx!

Soffie xx


	2. Chapter 1

So here's the first chapter! I know it's kind of short, but i'll try to make the next chapter longer (and they'll be plenty more Jasper as well)

Enjoy!

Disclaimed: I don't own Twilight, I never will

* * *

I always liked to have the house to myself. It was a sense of independence that I guessed might come with moving into a house of my own one day. But it wasn't a lasting sense, because the only reason for it was that Charlie was working the late shift, so I'd only be alone until ten.

I often liked to spend my evenings by myself listening to music or reading, of course with a cheese and tomato pizza - extra cheese - at the end of my bed. It was a comfortable routine that I'd sort of sunk into over the last year since moving in with Charlie. Any other teenager might've taken the opportunity to invite five-dozen 'friends' and destroy the house in the most American-teen-party way possible, but my instant reaction to being alone was just to enjoy the time I had; with junk food, literature and modern technology.

Anything, really, that didn't allow time for me to _think_. My thoughts had become a dangerous place lately, reconsidering every choice I'd made and doubting every decision I was making.

The frightening thing being that my every decision so far had led me to Edward.

Those new thoughts tried to push me in the other direction.

There was a blur of movement from the window as I reach across my bed for a slice of pizza. I was lying on my stomach with my ankles crossed over in the air. It was the most comfortable way I found to position myself while I read; however it soon turned into the most inopportune way to lay while a vampire appeared by my side.

I gasped in surprise and tumbled away from the silhouetted figure, promptly falling to the floor with a loud crash. I heard a brief cry of alarm that was not my own before I came into contact with the ground. The back of my head struck the floor hard and I hissed in pain, pressing my palms to the injury to relieve the stinging. My immediate thought was that it was going to bruise badly, but at least no gash had been opened. Then the room seemed to spin, although I wasn't sure whether it was my imagination or that I was actually moving. I didn't wait to find out, though. I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment, groaning in both pain and irritation. I could feel the ache slowly fading though and before long I could no longer feel it at all. I was suddenly aware of two hands gripping my forearms, holding me upright in my position sitting up on what I assumed was my bed. I guess I had been moving before, then.

I let out a deep breath as my eyes drifted open again - and I was met by a pair of light, golden eyes.

Edward face was masked with worry. His eyes were narrowed towards mine in a way that could have been mistaken for anger, although I knew it was just anxiety. He was most likely angry at himself, though. He thought he had to protect me every second of the day, even from a slight knock to my head. I wasn't worth him worrying so much.

"Edward?" I grumbled, touching the back of my head lightly. I winced as a small sting returned at my touch. That would probably remain for a few days.

I didn't give Edward time to react to my obvious pain. I went on talking, smiling thinly. "What're you doing here?" I asked gently, my voice slightly louder than a whisper. "I thought you were hunting with Jasper and Emmett?"

Edward's eyes softened somewhat when he saw my smile, the corners of his lips turning up slightly also. How could he find such comfort in me? It made no sense.

"We came back early," Edward announced, his smile becoming the same crooked smile I had always loved. "I wanted to see you, love." His fingers brushed lightly across my cheek, causing me to shiver a little from his cold touch. He withdrew his hand quickly at my reaction. I didn't protest.

"How was it, then?" I asked with minor interest. Edward grinned at my question, always amused by my casual interest in his hunting accomplishments.

"Enthralling," he answered with a chuckle. "The usual."

I nodded at his answer, although my mind elsewhere. I could tell that he noticed, because he raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me.

All right then, I thought. "Did they come back with you?" I asked, undisguised curiosity lacing my tone.

Edward's surprise at my question was evident. His forehead creased deeply as a frown spread across his lips. He hadn't expected me to ask about his brothers. Then again, I had never had much reason to before. He glanced to the window for a short moment, as if there was anyone else who might slip in this late at night.

"Emmett came back with me," Edward answered after a while, his tone a mixture of confusion and hurt. "But Jasper wanted to stay behind on his own."

I smiled tenderly. That sounded likely. Jasper always seemed to be on his own or with Alice.

I caught the same look of hurt pass across Edward's face when my smile faded, like it had been a spiteful grin specifically for him. I hated to be the one to make him look like that. It hurt me, too.

"Are you OK, Edward?" I asked attentively, leaning towards him. I only just realised that he was kneeling in front of me, as he now pulled back and stood up. I couldn't follow his movements until he was suddenly stood by the window, one foot resting on the ledge as he stopped before stepping out. I wondered why he was leaving so soon.

He glanced back at me, looking torn. "Charlie's back," he told me quickly, like he could read my mind like anyone else's. "I'll pick you up for school tomorrow."

He moved to leave and I stumbled off the bed in an attempt to reach him, landing on my knees. "Are you coming back tonight?" I called to him, although there wasn't much hope in my voice.

He didn't answer anyway. He looked at me one last time, his expression dark, and then he was gone.

* * *

The next day was when it started.

Edward arrived outside as usual, leaning against his silver Volvo; waiting for me. He smiled at me as I walked out of the house and held open the car door, leaning over to lightly kiss me before I climbed in. I noted that he had kissed my cheek, not my lips.

At school, I saw that all of the Cullens were there. Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and Emmett all arrived in Rosalie's red BMW, looking more morbid than even the Forks high students were used to. At the time, all I thought of was that Jasper must have come back from the hunting trip later last night. Edward wouldn't have had any reason to lie about it, although it was almost impossible not to notice the look of fury which flashed in his eyes at the sight of his adoptive brother. I caught his gaze shortly afterwards, looking at him questioningly. But he only smiled at me and wrapped a protective arm around my waist.

The rest of the day was just as strange.

I sat with the Cullens at lunch, like always. Edward on my right; Alice on my left; Jasper, Emmet and Rosalie opposite us. But it was different.

Alice wasn't scolding my terrible sense of fashion; and Emmett wasn't bombarding me with random sexual innuendos and jokes only he found funny. Edward didn't hold my hand, or smile at me; even Rosalie seemed to project a new level of hostility towards me.

And then there was Jasper.

His eyes didn't leave me once for the entire duration of our lunch period. He didn't blink, or even move his body a centimetre at any point. But there was such an intensity in his gaze that I felt it could suffocate me. It was as if he might leapt at me from across the table. But Edward would know if he was thinking about attacking me at any time.

He would stop him.

Later as the other students began filing out of the cafeteria I picked up my empty bottle of lemonade to throw away. I hadn't felt hungry at all and Edward hadn't pushed me to eat anything today.

Jasper stood in unison with me, his hands gripping the table tightly but his eyes still never leaving mine. I could see cracks appearing in the wood, chunks which were about to be ripped off in his hands. I heard a low growl rip through Edward's chest a second later, directed towards Jasper. I stepped back straight away, frightened of what Jasper might be thinking for Edward to react in that way. Though it didn't leave much to the imagination.

I watched him slowly take his seat again. His eyes shut slowly, revealing the lilac bruises under his eyelids which I knew to mean he hadn't hunted in a while.

That made no sense. He had just gone hunting with Edward.

"You should go to class, Bella," Alice said quietly. He musical voice seemed duller than usual, less joyful. "Emmett," she said, turning to the huge vampire. She hadn't looked at me once. "Will you take Jasper home, please?" She asked him.

Emmett nodded wordlessly, his lips a thin line across his face, as he pushed himself away from the table.

Edward didn't say anything as he left the cafeteria, followed by a sneering Rosalie

And what seemed to be only seconds after Alice spoke, I was alone with her.

Emmett had taken Jasper straight outside, without the slightest care of them both being caught walking out of school. But I supposed there wasn't much need for them to care. School was just a cover.

Alice stared after her husband, her eyes lingering on the door he left by for a few moments before she turned around. She didn't turn to me, though. She headed straight for the cafeteria doors, treating me as if I wasn't even there.

I expect that was the day my life changed again. It was the second major change in my life - other than when my mother left Forks with me when I was a child.

The day I met Edward; and then the day I started to lose him.

* * *

I'm so glad I was able to get this up today. I kept screwing up the end, but I still don't like it much. oh well

Review and let me know what you thought

Soffie  
xxx


	3. Chapter 2

Here's chapter 2, then! I can't believe i actually finished it today, although it's not as long as i hoped it would be. it's not very 'action packed' but I thought i'd try to clear a little up about the Cullens quite soon, although the rest for a while shall remain a mystery. :-)

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own Twilight

* * *

Chapter 2 

A month had passed since that first day, and things with the Cullens were becoming unbearable.

It wasn't that they were horrid to me, or that they tried their best to avoid me. It was that they treated me as if I were some annoyance; like some small child that had been discarded on them, which they were forced to treat with strained kindness. I was losing them, with the reason as to why remaining oblivious to me. Edward didn't come to see me at night anymore, and he would only ever speak to me if I was asking him - specifically - a question. Alice didn't drag me into Port Angeles for a shopping trip that I desperately didn't want to go on, even though I knew now I would jump at an opportunity to see her light up at the sight of me in something other than jeans. Even Esme wasn't her usual, motherly self when I was around. She would sigh sadly when she saw me and then walk away.

But they were all the same. Their smiles were forced, their kind gestures were abandoned, and the safe sense I'd felt while in their presence had faded.

I was not their family anymore. I was their burden.

I groaned irritably and rolled over onto my back, feeling myself being pulled unwillingly out of sleep. I was still groggy from sleeping so deeply, even though my chosen spot for resting was the lush grass of the Cullens front garden. I hadn't expected I would fall asleep, lying in the warmth of the rarely exposed midday sun. It was a Sunday; and also the first break I'd had from any work in weeks. I was usually either preoccupied with school work or helping Charlie around the house. I suppose I hadn't found much time to sleep recently, so it was only natural that I would seize the opportunity to regain some energy. But I was still exhausted, with little motivation to pull myself up.

I yawned and squeezed my eyelids together tightly, stretching my arms above my head. I wasn't sure what the time was; but I guessed it was most likely past dusk as I could no longer feel the warmth of the sun dancing on my skin. No yellow or orange glow fought through the thin skin of my eyelids, either. All I could see was a lasting blackness which I was completely content with.

I rested back into the comfort of the soft grass, breathing a delighted sigh. I doubted Edward would be pleading with me to come in from the cold any time soon.

"Hello, Bella."

Shit. That was just bad timing.

I groaned again, praying for a pillow to pull over my head. What did karma have against me? Go away Edward! I thought angrily.

"No…" I grumbled, holding my hands over my face. "I'm so tired. Leave me alone."

I heard a low chuckle from the intruder into my privacy, to which I growled furiously. Why was he talking to me now? Less than a second past and then a pair of strong hands pulled me up into a sitting position, causing my head to spin wildly from the sudden jerk of movement. My vision blurred and I caught myself from falling backwards.

"What the hell, Edward!?" I fumed, whipping my head round - luckily without any further disorientation - to see Jasper standing behind me.

My eyes widened in surprise as I quickly noted that I wouldn't have mistaken the two voices a few months ago.

Jasper frowned, no doubt trying to work out my sudden confusion and - shamefully - relief. I was glad it wasn't Edward. Being near him when he _wasn't _speaking to me was painful enough.

"Jasper." I said his name carefully, like someone might speak while talking another person off of a ledge. "Why'd you wake me up?"

I caught the faintest hint of a smile at the corners of his lips. I thought he might pick up on the frustration in my voice.

"You were already awake," he pointed out, his voice flowing through the gentle breeze like a wind chime.

I snorted at his response and pulled my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them. "Stupid, smartass vampire," I muttered under my breath.

Jasper laughed, hearing me perfectly. "Remember who you're talking to, Bella," he teased me lightly, although I could still detect an air of caution between us. But he was somehow managing to keep things calm.

I glanced at him over my shoulder as he silently walked forward and sat down beside me. I hadn't expected that - even if he was about five feet away. He rested his arms on his bent knees, staring straight ahead as he might do if he were alone.

I shuffled forward a bit - a barely noticeable movement to a human, but slightly more so to a vampire. Jasper glanced obliquely at me, managing a half-smile as a form of comfort. But his eyes left mine again before I could return the gesture.

"How're you feeling?" He asked, surprising me yet again.

My forehead creased in uncertainty but I answered anyway. "Slightly confused," I said truthfully. "Neither you, Edward, Alice or any of the others have shown any concern for my well being in over a month. So I'm wondering why you're here now."

Jasper nodded once, a split-second of amusement crossing his face. "Straight to the point, I see," he muttered. "Well, I've been feeling how hurt you are recently. It's very hard to ignore, so I thought I'd ask what the reason was for it." How direct.

"You should know, Jasper," I whispered, surprised at his act of ignorance.

Jasper sighed, averting his eyes to the ground. "You seem to have caused a deal of trouble," he said quietly, his voice almost too soft for me to hear. I jolted bolt upright, my mouth falling open in disgust. What he said surprised me, but I said nothing to distract him as he went on. "But I suppose we shouldn't have expected you to stay interested for too long. Humans never do. You all like to move onto something more interesting, or just different, because what you have no longer pleases you."

"What?" I blurted out in a shriek. My fists were clenched now, my teeth gritted together in fury. I saw Jasper wince briefly as he was hit by my anger, physically and verbally. "What the hell are you talking about, Jasper?" I demanded, sitting forward and ripping tufts of grass out of the ground in my hands. "Do you think I don't care about any of you anymore? Because that's just ridiculous! I've done _nothing _to make you all believe that. Or did you all just suddenly _decide _that I wasn't good enough anymore? That would be a great way to get me to leave. 'Cause now that I think about it that sounds rather logical to the situation."

Confusion was etched across Jasper's face, along with disbelief and anguish. I'm sure it was all the feelings revealed through my expression too, except mine showed anger as well. He stared at me for a while, slowly shaking his head and frowning. But I wasn't going to wait for him to answer. I made a move to stand, but then I was roughly pushed back against the grass. I cried out shortly in alarm, just before Jasper's face appeared above mine, livid and growling. His hands held me down by my wrists, holding me too tightly. I hissed agonizingly and yanked at my restrained limbs, only causing myself more pain.

Jasper didn't acknowledge the tears that sprang to my eyes as he leant forward, his face only inches from mine as he snarled. "I cannot understand how, in any world, you would believe we are better than you, or that we would think that," he hissed in disbelief. "You may believe that in some _sick _reality in your mind, but our family love you. You are becoming your own destroyer, Bella. We have not abandoned you, we never will. If you leave, we come with you. It is only you who has been making the mistakes which are turning us away, but we can only refuse your decisions for so long. You say that you've done nothing to make me or the others believe you don't care about us? Well I know what you felt when you saw me standing behind you and not Edward. You felt relieved."

I shook my head vigorously, as if I could try to deny it. "No! I was only relieved because I hate him being around me when he's always hurting so much!"

Jasper growled loudly and pushed himself away from me, speaking too quickly for me to understand him. As soon as my wrists were released I let out an unintentional wail of agony and sat up, cradling my arms in my lap and allowing the tears to roll down my cheeks. I was sobbing, but I was trying incredibly hard to control myself. I knew nobody would comfort me; they would only make the sobs harder.

Jasper paced in front of me for a while, his entire figure a blur to my inaccurate vision. I could already feel my wrists bruising, but I tried to ignore the throbbing. It wasn't the first time I had been injured by a Cullen in the last month.

"Jasper," I called, my voice just a choked whisper. I had been hoping to sound a little more determined.

He stopped instantly, looking at me. He could have been standing there for hours for how intent his stare had already become.

I breathed in deeply. There was no reason to give a monologue before asking, so I dove straight in.

"Do you hate me?"

He paused for a while before answering. I wasn't sure why I dreaded his answer so much. Maybe I thought that what ever he said would also reflect what response I would gain from the rest of the Cullens. But, when I think about it, that probably wasn't the reason at all.

Even though his expression most likely didn't changed once before he answered, I thought I saw him smile.

"Never."

* * *

I hope you all like this chapter. It didn't turn out very well, but i've got some ideas for the following chapters.

Reviews _will _make me write faster. It's becoming a fact.

Soffie  
xxx


	4. Chapter 3

Thanks for the reviews people! but i'm afraid this will probably be my last chapter for about a week as i'm going to be really busy.

There's been a bit of confusion with the situation with the Cullens, so I just though i'd say that it's all going to be cleared up as the story progresses. None of you know until Bella knows!

Disclaimer: I will never own Twilight

* * *

Edward didn't pick me up for school the next morning.

I was still sprawled out on my bed at half past eight, forcing myself to stay awake when I desperately wanted to fall back into the safe confines of sleep. The sky was clouded over outside of my window, predominately grey with splashes of black. It would probably rain later, but I couldn't even find the energy to care. Much like I couldn't find the will or a reason to drag myself to my feet and finish getting ready for school - other than it would be awful to have to listen to Charlie ranting when he came home.

"Screw it," I muttered, pulling half of the duvet over myself. I would just tell him I was sick.

My breathing was slowly beginning to even out and I smiled contentedly as I fell back into sleep.

I'm not sure why, but earlier I had started creating a whole range of excuses in my mind for Edward's absence. Maybe the sun was going to be out later, so him and the rest of the Cullens had to stay out of the way - which was unlikely, considering the currently almost black sky. Or maybe there was some kind of 'family emergency' - as if it was even possible for them to find anything which could potentially cause trouble.

There had been few more.

Then the sound of a bell split through my head, practically at the exact moment I started to dream - I didn't see much, only a pair of coal-black eyes - and I cried out in surprise. My heart was thumping loudly from the shock, my eyes wide and searching the room. Only a few seconds later the bell rang again.

I groaned loudly and pushed myself out of bed - The doorbell.

I stumbled on the first step of the staircase, only just catching the banister and stopping myself from taking a bad tumble. It was nothing out of the ordinary, though. I straightened myself up and padded the rest of the way down the stairs to the front door. I flung open the door with a quick tug, preparing myself to see Edward's distressed face…

I was NOT prepared from who stood in Edward's place.

"Jasper?"

He looked up at me as I said his name and I thought I saw a glimmer of annoyance pass through his eyes - now a bright topaz colour. But it disappeared as quickly as it came, replaced by a look which was something close to impassive. He smiled the same tight smile I'd grown accustomed to, from him and the rest of my once surrogate family.

"Good morning, Bella," he said politely.

I frowned and stared past him at the street. Sure enough, there was no silver Volvo at the side of the road today. Jasper had driven here in Carlisle's Mercedes - and there was no Edward, Alice, Emmet or Rosalie with him.

"Where's Edward?" I asked, leaving myself in the doorway so he couldn't come inside - Even though he definitely could if he wished to.

Jasper rolled his eyes once, letting them rest on some position down the street. "He left for school already," he told me, breathing an irritated sigh.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by that, but I can't say I was surprised either. It was getting to the point where he was just avoiding me completely, without giving me a chance to redeem myself - Hell! Without even letting me know what I'd done wrong!

This was getting far too complicated.

I sighed and stepped back into the house, finally allowing Jasper to pass. He did so with measured speed, taking his time before slowly closing the door behind him.

It seemed very quiet suddenly, but I could never feel uncomfortable around Jasper. I'm sure he gave his own input, but I didn't mind today. I was glad for it.

I turned into the kitchen and he followed behind me silently, patiently waiting as I collected my school bag from the table and took a granola bar from the cupboard. I didn't bother to have any breakfast when I woke up, so I hoped Jasper would allow me to eat in Carlisle's car.

"Ready?" Jasper asked with blatant boredom.

He had taken to flicking through my copy of _Wuthering Heights _that I had left on the table a few days ago. His eyebrows were raised in what could have been interest or disbelief as he flicked through every page faster than any human could take in. I realised, though, that he was probably reading every word carefully and memorising every sentence in the split-second it took him to read each of them.

"Are _you _ready?" I asked snidely, folding my arms across my chest.

Jasper glanced at me over the page and smirked. "I'm sorry; it's just that I haven't read this book in almost two centuries, now. I was interested to see it again."

My eyes momentarily widened. All right, that was an excuse I could accept for his dawdling.

"You've read it?" I laughed shortly, in disbelief and amazement.

Jasper nodded and dropped the book back down onto the table with a thud. "I recall reading it as a human." He shrugged. "Although I don't remember much of it. It can't have had much of an effect on me, then."

There was bitterness in his tone in the last sentence that I couldn't ignore, but I didn't mention it or ask what it was for. Jasper spun around on his heels and headed back towards the door; leaving me to trail along behind him, stumbling over my own feet. He pulled the door open and it smashed against the wall behind it, luckily only leaving a minor tear in the wallpaper that Charlie probably wouldn't even notice, so I didn't acknowledge it any further as followed Jasper out to the car. He moved straight round to the drivers side, but I didn't expected him to open the car door for me like Edward would have done anyway. He was a different sort of person, especially around me.

I lowered myself into the passenger seat and immediately found something being held in front of my face. I blinked stupidly for a moment, and then recoiled my head to examine the object.

"Jasper? Why are you giving me a cell phone?" I enquired in confusion, taking the box from him with the picture of something which looked far too technical for me to figure out. I was more of a 'pay phone' girl.

"You're birthday's coming up," he said as he pulled out onto the road, driving at seventy in little over five seconds. "I'm might not be here, so I thought I'd give you your present early."

"Oh," I muttered, resting the box on my lap. The gesture was touching, even though I knew it would probably stay by the side of my bed for months when I found I couldn't work it.

"I'll show you how to use it," Jasper chuckled, as if he was reading my mind.

I laughed too, although unintentionally. "Thanks, Jasper."

* * *

School passed, for a long time, without incident.

I paid little attention in any of my classes, most of which were unfortunately with Edward. It was much like the first day in biology. He sat as far as was possible from me, almost leaning off of the table in the effort. I acted indifferent to his actions, sitting perfectly comfortable on my side of the table. I'm not sure whether my little act worked, though. I was lucky I wasn't called on to answer a question, as I was focused only on Edward for the whole class.

He would only move if he had to write something down and still it was only his wrist and forearm that moved. He was like a statue, until the exact instant when the school bell rang and he would be out of his seat and striding for the door.

His mood towards me had gradually changed over the last month. At first he had still kissed me when I saw him, still walked with his arm around my waist. But those habits quickly vanished, until just being near me seemed to repulse him.

What had I done…?

I was the last student to leave the classroom, by which time Edward was already gone.

At lunch, it was the first time I didn't sit with them.

I saw Emmett and Rosalie at their usual table, just as they were being joined by Alice and Edward. It was the only time I saw any of them really smile, when they didn't know I could see them.

I headed for an empty table at the back of the cafeteria, but I soon found it wasn't quite as empty as I had thought.

Jasper was sitting on his own, a tray of untouched food on the table in front of him. There it was again when he saw me, the flash of aggravation in his eyes. But I still found it to be better than the constant looks of anguish from Edward. Thinking of Edward brought an uncomfortable sense of déjà vu. This was so similar to the time when I first sat with Edward at lunch, many months ago now. But that had been under circumstances very much unlike these.

Jasper signalled for me to sit opposite him and I did so without delay - unless the two times I almost tripped count as delay. All I had with me was a sandwich and a bottle of water, which I placed beside Jasper's tray as I sat down.

"You're looking rather lost, Miss Swan," Jasper said sarcastically, flashing his white teeth at me in a grin. "You're not _scared_, are you?"

I rolled my eyes exasperatedly, earning myself a low chuckle from Jasper. I twisted off the cap of my coke bottle and took a quick swig before setting it back down on the table. I passed the cap between my hands every so often during our conversation after that.

"So, how's your morning been?" Jasper asked in a joking fashion, leaning across the table with feigned interest.

"Uneventful," I answered sourly, leaning back in my seat and crossing my arms over my stomach. "Nothing interesting, just the usual game of 'hate Bella with the fury of a thousand suns' and all that."

Jasper pursed his lips and turned up his eyes. "That's an awfully cruel way of putting it," he said thoughtfully. "But _I'm_ talking to you right now, and not hating you," he looked back at me and smirked, "with the _fury of a thousand suns_."

I scoffed and waved away his comment. "I heard it on TV."

He chuckled again. "Of course, Bella," he said.

My eyes darted back to his at the hint of sarcasm in his tone and I leant towards him across the table, glaring. "Are you trying to suggest that I'm stupid, Jasper Hale?!" I cried heatedly.

He raised his hands in mock defence, pushing his chair away from the table a little. "I was merely expressing my feelings that you were making up an excuse for saying something that was made from your mind entirely," he answered.

I scowled at his answer, but only so I couldn't laugh.

"Stupid, smartass vampire," I grumbled.

Jasper laughed. "You used that one yesterday."

* * *

I met Jasper by the Mercedes after school.

He was leaning against the bonnet of the car, his head tilted back and his eyes closed lightly as he waited for me. He looked completely peaceful, like he was staring through his eyelids and the layers of clouds to the clear blue sky beyond them.

I propped myself up on the bonnet beside him and rested my chin on my knees, watching his perfectly serene expression. He might as well have not known I was there for the little attention he gave to my presence. The only action he made to show that he knew I was there had been letting a smile small creep onto his face. I found his smile to be quite infectious, and I couldn't help grinning as well. So I tilted my head back and gently closed my eyes, imagining a beautiful blue sky above us.

* * *

Well that was fun :-)

I like reviews, so please press the pretty button and let me know what you thought

Soffie  
xxxxx


	5. Chapter 4

Hey! It's earlier than i thought i'd be. not that that's a bad thing...but here it is. This chapter might seem a little bit rushed, but that's just cause it was. :-)

I hope you all like it though, cause it's my longest so far. Whoop!

Disclaimer: I unfortunately don't own Twilight

* * *

I'd never thought that it was possible to feel pain in dreams. Well, not until now anyway.

My entire body felt as if it had been engulfed in flames. Every inch of my skin was on fire, and not only on the outside. It seemed to run through my veins, like a flame travelling through a line of oil. It scorched my lungs, my heart - every organ burnt as the fire waited for the moment when my body would become just a pile of ash.

In my dream, I couldn't move. My arms wouldn't move to slap out the flames, and my lips wouldn't part for me to scream in agony.

Could I even scream when my lungs were scorched black?

But I could make out voices, despite how obviously burnt my ears were I could still hear. But they didn't sound panicked or in pain, from what I could pick up in my delirious state I could interpret just a faint hint of curiosity and worry in their tones. About three people - all male, I'd guess from the deepness of their voices. But then, I could have been wrong. The burning which still afflicted my whole body was excruciating. It surprised me that I was still able to perceive what was happening around me - dream or not.

But then a pair of hands seized hold of my arms, shaking me vigorously. The burning instantly increased, impossibly so. My lips were suddenly no longer sealed together, my arms not clamped to my sides. I thrashed out wildly, screaming with every breath my charred lungs had left.

"Bella!"

It took me several seconds to register the voice, and then another few to remember where I recognised it from.

_Charlie_

"Bells! Wake up!"

My eyes snapped open at the sound of Charlie's voice, but my vision hadn't yet adjusted to the darkness of the room and I could only see the faint outline of his figure kneeling beside my bed. I breathed a deep sigh, a mixture of relief and lethargy, as I sat up against the headboard.

"Sorry, did I wake you up?" I asked, my voice heavy with exhaustion. I rubbed eyes with the heel of my hands and yawned.

"Bella," Charlie said my name disapprovingly. "You were screaming in your sleep, something about fire, and now you're apologising for waking me up?" He sounded incredulous.

I let out a strained laugh, staring down at the sheets. "Sorry if I worried you, Char-" I paused. "Dad. I was just having a bad dream."

Charlie looked suspicious for a moment but he soon shrugged and pushed himself to his feet with a grunt. "All right, then. Just let me know if you need anything," he said, smiling thinly.

I nodded in response. "Goodnight."

"Night, Bells."

* * *

I had just arrived at school, having driven myself, when yet another wave of tiredness hit me. That had been happening all morning, the first being while I was eating my breakfast. It had taken all of my will power not to just let my head drop into the bowl and pass out. After that I was forced to give in to the influences of 'The Devils Drink', as my mother called it - aka, coffee. I rarely drank coffee or any other caffeinated drink, but it was called for this morning.

But, amazingly, my body seemed to be _immune _to the effects of caffeine.

Fabulous.

I groaned and rested my head against the steering wheel, which suddenly seemed very comfortable. I closed my eyes tightly and wished to appear back in my bed, safe in the dark. I hadn't fallen back to sleep after Charlie left my room last night, which was just past two in the morning. It wasn't that I didn't try, sleep just wouldn't take me.

And now I was paying for it.

A tap on my window, however, brought me crashing back to reality.

Reluctance - It's a truly beautiful feeling, but one that didn't seem to work this time. The tapping came again and I was forced to answer whoever was disturbing me. So I pried my face from the wheel and turned my head.

Unfortunately, I couldn't suppress the groan which leapt from my throat at the sight of Mike Newton at my car window.

The poor guy didn't seem to notice, though. He was still smiling, his eyes shining with delight. He pointed to the window and gestured for me to wind it down. I did so, although not without an increasing reluctance.

"Howdy, sunshine!" He said animatedly. His choice of words made me internally cringe.

"Hi, Mike," I grumbled, hoping he'd pick up on my tone and leave. I could feel my eyelids drooping closed again and wanted nothing more than to be left alone. I'd sleep in the backseat of my truck right now! Hell, I'd sleep on the cafeteria floor if I had to…

However, Mike was either too dense to realise my hint or chose to ignore it.

Each was equally possible.

"I thought I'd save you from being caught ditching," he chuckled.

I frowned and slowly shook my head. My hands were still gripping the steering wheel, trying to stop me from opening the car door, no doubt.

Mike chuckled again and I swear my inward cringes were going to break the surface soon. "Well, I was wondering if I could walk you…" But Mike's voice slowly drifted off as my attention was pulled elsewhere.

My eyes followed him as he strode across the car park, graceful as anything. His eyes were trained on the school building in front of him, his hands swaying slightly at his sides. Alice danced along beside him, the fingers of her right hand laced with those of his left. They looked so perfect, his solemn but somewhat troubled expression evened out by her cheerful and jubilant one.

As if sensing that I was watching him, Jasper's head turned towards me. His eyes caught mine before I had a chance to look away and I inwardly swore. But he didn't frown in confusion like I thought he would, instead he smiled. There it was again, his contagious smile. I returned the smile without pausing and raised my hand momentarily as a gesture of waving. But Alice noticed her husband's distraction straight off and followed his gaze to me.

I wished I had looked away quick enough.

A look of anguish replaced her ecstatic expression and she turned away again. Even from at least fifteen metres away, I noticed her grip tighten on Jasper's hand. I saw him lean down and whisper something in her ear, to which she smiled forcedly back at him and kissed his cheek. It was the most brief of exchanges - one that I might not have noticed if my whole attention wasn't on the couple - but there was such a strength in the moment that I wondered what might have cause them both to react to each other in that way - and to me.

In minutes Jasper and Alice were gone again, which left me alone with Mike Newton - _Again_.

Strange…how I didn't feel alone even when just one of the Cullens were near me. For those few seconds that I saw Jasper and Alice I didn't feel quite so much like I was on my own, but now the feeling was creeping back up on me.

I missed them. Terribly.

It was only Jasper who seemed to make any effort towards treating me like family right now. And…it was odd to say the least. Considering how he'd never shown much interest in me before, he seemed like the least likely choice to be my savour from abandonment issues. It was since that day when he confronted me in the garden - but that was before I stopped going to the manor completely - that things between us started to change.

I thought of him as a…_friend_.

But since that day, I've been losing the rest of them even more.

It seemed I could either have the 'one' or the 'six'.

And right now, I hadn't a clue which was best.

"Bella!"

I blinked as a pair of fingers snapped in front of my eyes.

"You keep zoning out on me!"

Sorry, Mike, I thought.

"Can you blame me?"

Mike's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, as did mine. It took me longer than it should have to realise that I had said what I was meant to think, and thought what I was meant to say. It wasn't at all surprising that I had done that, I was exhausted and my mind really wasn't working properly. But I still felt like smashing my head against the dashboard of my truck.

Mike, however, shook off the comment and forced a smile. "Anyway, do you want me to walk to English with you later? I could meet you after class? What'd you think?"

Too…many…questions.

"Sure," I grunted, tearing my eyes open again - Every time I blinked it was like I had to fight weights to pull my eyelids apart again. I hadn't actually taken in much of what Mike had just said, but his questioning tone was causing an ache in my head.

I dragged my eyes back over to Mike and he was grinning madly. His cheerfulness was actually painful.

"Great!" He exclaimed, causing me to flinch back. "In which case, I'll drop by your class later."

Huh?

"What?" I muttered.

But he was already leaving, waving at me over his shoulder.

"See you later, Bella!" He called.

See me later? What had I answered to? I groaned and closed my eyes again, leaning back into my seat and wishing it would just eat me.

Marvellous…

* * *

Is there a word worse than loathing?

Detestation? Derision? Revulsion? Abhorrence? Contempt? Disdain? Scorn?

What ever.

If there was a worse word for today, I suppose I would have thought of it.

Mike had taken it upon himself to follow me around like a lost puppy for hours. He was like my audible and conscious shadow for the rest of the school day. The worst thing about it, though, was I didn't have anyone to protect me - as such - from his _obsessive _and _lovesick _actions towards me. It had always been Edward before, or possibly Alice or the other Cullens. And I'd never been good at protecting myself, no matter what the case was - So I had to bear the burden that was Mike Newton. The only upside to today was that I had managed to wake myself up with all the work. Even though sleep still would have been the preferable option.

At the end of school, I couldn't have been happier to return to my truck. I had managed to 'lose' Mike shortly after my last class, but I had a feeling he might well beat me outside before I had a chance to escape.

As I left the school and walked out to my truck I felt immeasurable relief when I saw Mike was not waiting for me.

That is, until I saw who _was_ waiting for me.

He was leaning against the door of my truck, his ankles crossed over in front of him and his golden eyes staring at the ground. There was something completely nervous about the way he held himself. It was something I was not used to seeing from him and, honestly, I found it quite unnerving.

"Edward?"

He didn't look up, but he started speaking almost the instant the last syllable of his name left my lips.

"I'm sorry for what's happened to us, Bella," he began, his voice emotionless. "I truly am. But I'm not going to say something entirely untrue to ease your pain. I might have once, I suppose. But your personal feelings are not my concern anymore. You've already chosen your future, and now I've chosen mine. But I'm afraid neither of those futures includes us being together. For that I'm sorry, but I'm not going to live in the past and dwell over what's been lost." He glanced up at me then, his eyes burning in anger. "So I suggest you don't either," he muttered.

Then he turned and headed across the parking lot, his height making his strides twice as long as mine would have been. His Volvo was parked next to Rosalie's red convertible, where I could see her sitting in the driver's seat with Emmett beside her. They were most likely waiting for Jasper and Alice.

But I wasn't even thinking of that at the time. I was close to hyperventilating, knowing that Edward was finally letting me know he no longer wanted me. I had _known _for a long time, but it was made all the worse that Edward was finally confirming my fears to me.

And suddenly, I knew I couldn't let him leave.

"Edward!" I called out desperately, rushing forward. I didn't care that it was almost definitely a bad idea, or that I would end up making a complete embarrassment out of myself in front of my school with my pleading. If he carelessly turned me away and left I would at least know I hadn't let him leave without fighting.

But what had started out as a bad idea, quickly turned into a disaster.

I ended up stumbling over my own feet and falling to the ground hard. I landed flat on my stomach and hissed as I grazed my hands. Blood welled up around the injury, although not enough to leave a lasting wound.

And then I heard the familiar screeching of tyres, so very similar to the day Edward saved me from Tyler's van.

I looked up in horror as the hood of a black car came soaring towards me, filling my whole vision. It was slowing but not nearly quickly enough to miss me.

And then everything around me blurred.

My hair whipped over my face as the sudden force of the wind blew it aside viciously. My head snapped forward and a sharp pain sliced through the back of my neck, causing me to half-cry out in pain. I reached out instinctively and my hand found the collar of a jacket. I didn't care whose it was, I just needed someone to hold onto. So I pulled them closer as I landed on my side, grazing almost every inch of my skin that came into contact with the ground - even through my clothes. I landed hard on my arm and heard it crack. It was a terrible noise that sent a shudder of pain up the limb, but I bit down on my lip in an attempt to numb myself to the pain. I was sure it was broken.

There was a brief moment of silence after that, in which it seemed the world had completely stopped. But soon enough, all the sound and life returned once again to the students of Forks high.

There were gasps and cries of fear and horror, as well as random people calling out my name. A crowd was quickly gathering around me that I could just see through the hair which still covered my eyes.

I was helped to sit up and I hissed as the pain in my arm intensified. It dulled again in a few moments, then the hair was pushed from my face, finally allowing me to see what damage my clumsiness had caused…

But all I saw was a pair of worried, topaz eyes staring back at me.

Jasper pushed the strands of hair behind my ear, his eyes never leaving mine. There was a look of pain on his face that I didn't understand, then I remembered the grazes which covered my body. Slowly seeping with blood. But he didn't leave.

"You're going to be OK, Bella," he said. His voice was choked, but I'm sure I knew why. "Alice is already calling an ambulance."

I gasped and tried to sit up further, but it hurt too much. I didn't realised until then that Jasper's arms were around me, holding me up so I wouldn't fall.

"Y-You saved me-me?" I stuttered, shock causing both my body and my voice to shake.

Jasper nodded and smiled comfortingly. I was barely aware of the rest of the world around us, as well as Alice and Edward who were hurrying towards us - as fast as they could with humans present.

"I couldn't well let you die, could I?" Jasper whispered. "You're our family."

* * *

Awwww! I enjoyed writing that last line. It just seemed right.

I'm actually very curious to know what you all thought about me putting in a near car crash thingy and Bella's dream (which will become relevent later). I wasn't too sure about them, but i'd like to hear some opinions.

Anyways, reviews are great. They make me happy and give me more motivation to write. :-)

I know some might think about the last line 'well that was quick. so what the hell was up with the Cullen's?'

For those of you who ARE thinking that (or something along those lines) you'll find out later

Soffie  
xxxxx


	6. Chapter 5

Hey people! Sorry this took a while. But WOW! hehe. those reviews almost doubled! Thanks to all my reviewers - you're amazing!

And I know this is a bit shorter, but that's cause I intend to make my next update about twice as long :-)

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :-(

* * *

I hated hospitals.

They were always so depressing; unnaturally clean even though they was full of sick and injured people; devoid of any colour but white - enough to cause a headache; and with the most _annoying _staff imaginable.

It was a shame that it was my second time in hospital in the space of about a year.

And these facts were only made worse as my most recent 'visit' was even longer than my last.

The reason for this being that it turned out my fears were right: My left arm was broken. So I was made to wear a cast for the next six weeks. I'd also managed to give myself whiplash when my head snapped back, so I was in a neck brace for what felt like hours, lying back on the hospital bed with my only view being the impeccably white ceiling above me. But thankfully the injury to my neck was nothing serious, so I was released that same night.

Charlie drove me back from the hospital at some time around ten o'clock in the evening. I had caught up on a little sleep in the hospital, but I still couldn't help dozing for a while longer on the ride home - even though it only felt like I'd slept for five minutes at most when Charlie shook me awake again.

He had to help me down from his police cruiser when we stopped outside the house, all the while being wary of my broken arm. I knew it was going to take some getting used to - having only one arm to use - but at least I wouldn't have to attend gym for the next few months.

My truck was already in the driveway when we got back, much to my surprise. It was barely noticeable, shrouded in the evening darkness; but still unmistakably my Chevy. Charlie noticed my confusion immediately and informed me that Jasper took my keys and brought my truck back for me.

It wasn't the answer I expected - I thought if anybody it would have been Angela to bring it back - and I caught Charlie's look of curiosity when he saw me smile. I shook my head at his pointed look, so he shrugged it off and held open the front door for me.

After ten minutes of talking with Charlie - mostly about me staying home for the next few weeks - I decided to go to sleep.

I still wanted to maintain some kind of self reliance, so I refused to let Charlie help me with anything in my routine before bed. I could brush my teeth and wash my face fine, but it was getting changed that I found difficult. I ended up wearing a pair of shorts and an old, loose-fitting T-shirt - It was all I could pull on with the cast covering my arm! And it was made all the worse by the pain in my neck and back.

I was sitting up in bed, scribbling random words on my cast in marker pen, when I heard his voice.

"Howdy, Sunshine," he chuckled, a hint of mocking in his tone.

I looked up from my arm, unsurprised to see Jasper crouching on my windowsill, the window wide open. I remember thinking that I was glad I couldn't feel any breeze, as it would have made my neck feel even worse. It made no sense. It was the most unlikely thing for anybody to think at that certain moment.

I smiled and placed the pen on the nightstand. A sudden sharp pain in my neck as I moved made me wince slightly. I ignored it. "Funny," I muttered sarcastically, knowing I would have folded my arms over my chest if it were possible.

Jasper chuckled again as he gracefully pushed himself to the floor, soundlessly, and bent down by my bed. "Terribly sorry if my Texan accent is better than Newton's," he teased. "But you gotta love it, darlin'?"

I groaned irritably and rolled my eyes, although I couldn't stop the smile from tugging at the edges of my lips. I rested my broken arm over my lap, using the other to help me shuffle further upright against the pillows stacked up on the headboard.

"You've got the advantage," I countered. "You're from Texas."

Jasper raised his eyebrows briefly and turned his eyes aside, feigning a look of guilt. "I'm afraid you caught me out, ma'am," he sighed in his thickened southern accent. "Too sharp for me, I guess."

I grinned triumphantly, despite the complete untruth in his words. "Well, did you expect anything less?"

Now it was Jasper's turn to roll his eyes.

I laughed lightly, but my smile quickly faded. "Thanks for...well, saving my life," I said slowly.

Jasper clucked his tongue against the top of his mouth and shrugged. "I couldn't let a lady die, could I? Goes against my nature."

I probably would have laughed…maybe. But there was this nagging in the back of my mind, telling me that I shouldn't be scared to ask him something. I had waited long enough, and I never wanted to wait in the first place.

"Can I ask you something, Jasper?"

His eyes darted back to me and he raised an inquisitive eyebrow. "Besides for that? Sure," he answered, smirking.

I couldn't help thinking the same three words I always did now at these moments: Stupid, smartass vampire.

I didn't say them out loud, though. Instead, I asked him straight out, keeping my eyes on my arm, "What was wrong with you in the cafeteria that day…when Emmett had to take you out of school?"

The change in the room was instant. Jasper's unnecessary breathing stopped, while mine momentarily caught in my throat. He made no movement, not that I could see out the corner of my eye, anyway - while my only movement was nervously tracing the outline of the pen marks on my cast. This was probably the most silent I'd ever managed to be, while awake at least. And there was nothing comfortable in this silence either; it was completely torturous.

But, after almost a minute, Jasper started to speak.

"I'm sorry about that," he said, his voice so quiet that I almost had to strain my ears to hear him. "I had gotten some …_bad news_…earlier that week, that I won't concern you with, and I was feeling so angry. It was a crisis as such, and I hadn't found a chance to hunt in about a week…and you were so close to me. I could smell you…_so_…" He trailed off suddenly. The sentence was probably something he thought I wouldn't want to hear.

I glanced up at Jasper and he was watching me, his expression both apologetic and angered. "They obviously couldn't leave me to drain you in the middle of the cafeteria," he said. I flinched at his choice of words, wondering what could have been a much worse thing to decide against saying than that. "So Emmett thought it would be best for us both to go hunting before the others got out of school."

The first thing I felt was confusion. The whole story struck me as odd; from one thing Edward had told me the day before that happened. "Edward said you and Emmett were hunting with him that weekend," I recalled. "He came back early to see me…he said you stayed behind."

"It was an unsuccessful trip," Jasper explained, almost straight away. He paused only for a second, in which I thought I saw a momentary panic flash through his eyes. But it was so fast that I could have been wrong. I noticed the finality in Jasper's tone and knew he wished for a new subject of conversation.

I persisted, though. "That doesn't make much sense. Wouldn't you have at least caught _something_?"

"Not necessarily."

"And you said there was bad news. Wouldn't you all have stayed together?"

"Not necessarily."

"What do you mean 'not necessarily'?" I cried angrily, my voice raising. I grimaced and glanced towards the door, expecting Charlie to burst in. Thankfully, he didn't. I looked back at Jasper, who was frowning deeply. My voice came out as a harsh whisper when I went on. "You're all family; vampire or human, family is the same thing. And I doubt you all would have wandered off during a…I don't know: A Crisis, perhaps? And…" I stopped suddenly and I closed my eyes, taking a deep, exasperated breath. "Are you lying to me, Jasper?" I asked, with tense calm.

"Why would I lie to you?" He asked, his voice genuinely calm. It was hard not to believe him.

But I knew why he would lie to me. The reason was staring me straight in the face; and it was one that I knew I would never be able to hold against him. For a simple reason: He was being a good brother. For what ever reason, he was protecting Edward.

But I didn't say any of that. What was the point, when Jasper would only think of another excuse in less than a second?

"I guess you wouldn't," I sighed instead, smiling tightly. "Maybe I'm just paranoid." It was probably the most convincing lie I had ever told.

Jasper's smile was most likely ten times as beautiful as mine. His eyes shined in the faint moonlight, streaming in through the open window.

"You probably have every right to be," he said softly, resting a comforting hand on mine. "We haven't all exactly been 'charming' to you lately."

I laughed shortly, without humour. "That's a nice way of putting it…" I muttered. "But I just don't understand what I did."

Right then, the only word I could use to describe Jasper's expression was 'staggered'.

"Well, that's not what I expected," he muttered.

I was beginning to wonder how many strange turns this conversation would take. "Huh?"

Jasper tilted his head down. Blonde hair fell over his forehead, hiding his face from me. "I must say, I'm surprised, Bella," he said carefully, like I might snap at any moment. "You should know your own feelings, your own _thoughts_. And yet, you seem to deny them to yourself. It's like your mind refuses to accept it all-"

"I know I might sound a bit hypocritical," I cut in sharply. "But you're starting to sound _seriously _confused. It's like you're talking in riddles."

Jasper didn't look up, he didn't even move. "It may seem that way to you," he said. "But, like I said, you're constantly denying yourself what it is you want. There's something in your mind…it's refusing to let you move on from what you have, but should've already lost. It sounds confusing to you, but it's really very simple. I can't understand …" He cut himself off that time. Instead of finishing the sentence he swore and pushed himself to his feet. "I'm not telling you this," he muttered. "I already have too much to…" He stopped, swore again and ran both hands through his hair, sighing angrily.

I watched him silently, letting dozens of thoughts run through my mind at once. I could refuse to listen to a word he had said, but he most likely knew my feelings better than I did - He was the empath!

But could I disagree with him saying I was denying my thoughts? It was true, I had been reassessing my every decision over the last year. I tried to ignore what I was thinking now, but it had become even harder since Edward seemed to give up on me - especially after what he said at school. Everything that had led me to Edward and the Cullens…I was regretting it all. Even coming to Forks, in the first place.

Did Jasper feel that regret?

"I'm sorry you have to feel it too," I said. I spoke in barely more than a whisper, but Jasper could hear me perfectly. He remained facing the window, but he didn't leave. "I'll admit that I've been doubting things, but I'm not giving up on what I have. I'm not losing you, Edward…any of you. Despite what you all think, I still care."

Jasper flinched. I noted it was probably from the sudden anger he felt from me. A sharp wind blew in from the window at the same time, ruffling his already disarrayed blonde hair and the collar of his jacket. My dark, tangled hair was disturbed also; blown back from my pale face.

I shivered from the sudden chill, which hurt my neck a bit. I hated how restricted my movements were then; not that I was a particularly active person anyway, but it was still nice to be able to pick up a few books without wincing.

Jasper titled his head back a little and I heard him take in a deep, satisfied breath. I didn't notice at first that the wind had drifted back towards him.

A low growl ripped through his chest as he turned around to face me, his eyes suddenly pitch-black.

But I wasn't scared at all.

_I was thankful._

He could kill me - _Drain me _as he'd said before - and nothing would change. I wasn't noticed at school, so all that would be left there would be a few empty seats at the back of the classrooms. Charlie could go back to having no responsibility at home. He wouldn't have to worry about his daughter: Clumsy, timid, Bella Swan.

I'm sure the Cullens would be relieved, also.

I was waiting, motionless, but the attack never came.

Jasper didn't move towards me, although his eyes were wide and watching me hungrily. His face was contorted with pain as he edged back towards the window.

"No!" I hissed, jolting upright. Once again, I ignored the pain it caused. "I don't care if you end up killing me or not," I said, my voice weak and saddened. "Just don't leave me alone."

If Jasper was surprised by my request - or my lack of subtlety at the prospect of him killing me - he didn't show it. He simply nodded and slid the window closed, his movements slightly more rigid than usual. I could tell he wasn't breathing, but he still didn't move further towards me for another few minutes.

I'm sure, for at least half of that time, I wasn't breathing either.

Eventually, Jasper crossed the space between us and sat down opposite me on the bed, his legs crossed. He met my gaze and smiled.

It was amazing how I found such comfort in his smiles.

His eyes slid across to the nightstand and rested on the pen I had been using earlier to scribble on my arm. Jasper chuckled and asked, "Do I get to sign your cast, then?"

* * *

Whoop! I hope you all liked it. I'm finally giving some answers! (quicker than SOME TV shows I'm about to give up watching...)

Anyhooo....in case some are wondering about the relevence of Jasper almost attacking Bella (again) it was just to mention Bella's kind of depression.

As always, reviews make me smile!!! like this: :-) okay...maybe not QUITE like that... dial down the crazy now. Please let me know what you all thought!

Soffie  
xxxxx


	7. Chapter 6

Okey...This wasn't as long as i hoped it would be, but i'm working on making my chapters longer. I'm going for 3000 words next time, maybe longer. I beg myself for enough inspiration!

Anyway! Thanks to my reviewers! wonderful, as always. (And 'Mina Luriya' your review DID make me smile :-) thanx )

And to 'herestolife222' who asked and everyone else who is wondering, this story is set after Twilight, but before New Moon.

Well, on with the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :-(

* * *

I felt like I'd been asleep for a week.

My head was buried deep into the pillow, and my body was cocooned into the duvet. I felt like I was completely buried in the bed, and I loved it. And I'm sure the only visible part of my body were the strands of my hair - which had become tangled and knotted while I slept - which remained splayed out over the pillow.

But it was amazing that I could still feel so comfortable when at the same time I could feel this awful pain all along the left side of my body. But those grazes which caused the pain were nothing bad, so they would take only a few days to heal. That was something I could be glad for.

But I could already feel that my neck was going to be agony when I sat up.

"Need a dose of morphine, Miss Swan?"

I was sitting up the instant I heard Jasper's voice, shocked straight into fully awareness from being asleep only moments before. My head snapped to the side, surprising me further with the complete lack of pain, to see him slouched back in the rocking chair, chuckling at me.

"Jasper? You're still here…" I said, relieved. I said it more as a note to myself than an enquiry as to why he hadn't left. But I was glad to still have him here. He seemed to be my only comfort recently.

Jasper chuckled again. He looked completely at ease, his elbows resting on the arms of the rocking chair and his hands linked in midair over his lap. His left foot tapped randomly to some beat in his head. It wasn't anything I recognised.

"I couldn't let you wake up feeling like you'd been hit with a boulder, could I," he explained with mock anxiety. "So I'm here for your own personal use…" He paused and momentarily averted his eyes. "So to speak," he added with a smile.

I laughed and rested a hand on the back of my neck, putting a slight pressure on it. There was still a slight ache when I pressed down, but it was nothing close to as bad as it had felt last night.

I was suddenly incredibly thankful for empathy.

"You're some kind of gift, Jasper Hale," I muttered, shaking my head incredulously.

Jasper shrugged, increasing the speed in which he tapped his foot ever so slightly. I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't happened to be watching. "It's been said," he quietly murmured in response. He continued with the sentence, but he spoke much too quietly for me to hear. His voice wasn't even a whisper to my ears; it seemed there was nothing to hear. His lips seemed to blur also, moving too fast for my inhuman eyes to follow. He stopped after a short while, though, and he turned to face me again, looking apologetic. "Sorry about that," he said. "But even a vampire can rant at times."

"Perfectly understandable," I said as I climbed out of bed, holding my broken arm across my stomach. My much-to-large T-shirt had managed to 'alter' its position during the night and I slowly readjusted it with my other arm as I made my way across the room.

Nicely, you think? Ha! Guess again.

It proved to be rather difficult.

"Son of a-"

"Whoa!" Jasper chuckled, interrupting me before the profanities began pouring out. He gracefully pushed himself out of the chair and was instantly standing in front of me. Another movement far to fast for me to follow. He gently tugged around the shoulders of my T-shirt so the front was no longer hanging too low down my chest to be considered '_ladylike_' - somewhat embarrassing, but I chose not to dwell on it…

But I then became incredibly aware of Jasper's cool hands catching the skin of my stomach, as he twisted the rest of my shirt the right way around my waist.

"I feel like I've just helped a disorganised five-year-old," Jasper muttered and rested his hands on my shoulders, smiling.

And I knew that should have made me angry. At any other time I probably would have growled at him and said I hadn't asked for any help. But why wasn't I doing that now? I could answer that question straight away.

Because I couldn't even talk.

"Bel-la?" Jasper sang teasingly, lowering his face to mine. His voice was even more beautiful in his brief burst of song. "Is anything going on up there?" He asked, tapping the top of my head. "Refocus." He snapped his fingers in front of my eyes. But I was in a strange state of reverie, and I couldn't make my body comply with anything I wanted.

I could feel Jasper's cold hand on the side of my face and I slowly managed to raise my eyes to meet his concerned expression. "Are you going to pass out? Reality's calling you back," Jasper said, only half joking.

I squeezed my eyes shut and managed to nod, croaking out a single word to show him I was fine: "Morphine."

Jasper chuckled and I directly felt a wave of calm ease the slight nagging which still irritated the left side of my body. It wasn't necessary, but I needed some excuse for my strange behaviour. He brushed a few strands of hair from my face and let out a deep, relieved breath. "You're enough to give an immortal a heart attack, Bella," he laughed.

I glanced away and bit my lower lip regretfully. "That sounds like quite an accomplishment, in a certain aspect," I joked, although my voice didn't hold enough of a light-hearted tone to pass the comment as humorous.

Jasper, however, smiled thinly. "An optimistic view on that specific matter. It would be an _accomplishment_…" He shook his head in disbelief. "You're truly one strange person, Bella Swan."

I couldn't resist grinning at that. "Look who's talking; The Walking Morphine!"

Jasper shrugged. "Technicalities."

* * *

I spent the rest of the day in the living room.

I wouldn't be going back to school for another two weeks, so I decided I might as well get into a routine which could keep me entertained until then. I could never find much to entertain myself at home when I was missing school, other than occasionally reading and watching TV. But I was going to have to keep myself occupied somehow.

I was rather pleased to say that Jasper helped with that.

Charlie had left a stack of movies on top of the television before he went to work that morning - I realised when I first came downstairs with my duvet wrapped around me. Jasper had headed straight for the stack of DVD's, scanning the back of the cases like a parent might if they were afraid their child would be watching something inappropriate. In seconds he had picked one out of the stack of about a dozen and handed it to me to read. His smirk didn't go by unnoticed.

I first noticed the dark cover of the case before reading the red lettering of the blurb. I laughed as I found it was an old vampire movie; a dark comedy as well, to top it off.

_Fright Night_

I was oddly fascinated, even before we began watching it. I wasn't sure why.

I insisted that we close all the curtains to give us the real _terror _of the movie, to which Jasper had only shook his head. He did close every curtain in the room for me, though, moaning a very irritable "happy now?" as he slumped down beside me on the couch afterwards. I replied very enthusiastically that I was.

"So, that's the vampire?" Jasper asked, motioning towards the dark-haired guy on the television screen. He was talking to the terrified-looking 'hero' of the story - a teenage boy whose eyes always seemed to be impossibly wide.

I nodded without tearing my eyes away from the screen. We had been watching the movie for about an hour now and it was already getting dark outside. I hadn't actually asked Jasper what the time was when I woke up, but I'm guessing that it was a lot later than I'd thought. I had only been awake for about three hours!

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" I asked, half-smiling.

"It's hard to tell," Jasper retorted. "He's so…ungraceful."

I laughed and gulped down the rest of my glass of coke. "My apologies that not everybody has the grace of a _flowing river _like you."

Jasper glanced at me out the corner of his eye. "A flowing river, huh?" he asked with a smirk. "Does that make you the rockslide, then?"

I frowned. "Rockslide?"

Jasper gasped theatrically and sat back, turning his eyes back to the screen. "Haven't you figured it out yet?" He mocked me.

The movie was finished within another hour. I was falling asleep already, when I hadn't even been out of bed long. I could barely make out the room around me, besides for the outline of Jasper's body slouched back on the couch next to me, absentmindedly watching the credits of the film. I wondered if maybe he was trying to make me sleep so I'd stop bugging him - I had to admit, I hadn't shut up for longer than a few minutes after the whole '_grace of a flowing river_'and '_Rockslide_'thing. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was forcing fatigue on me to get some peace, although it wouldn't have made much sense for him to still be here if he wanted me out of the way…

Just then there was a ring of sharp knocks at the front door. I was too tired to bother getting up to answer it, but Jasper was on his feet before the first knock even came. I couldn't see who was standing there when Jasper pulled the door open, but I could faintly hear two voices mingled with his. I recognised then instantly and felt a pang of excitement, but the tiredness kept me pinned to the couch.

Alice and Edward. They'd finally come to see me, and I couldn't even keep my eyes open to catch a glimpse of them.

"…us leave, Jazz," Alice was saying, her high, soprano voice so missed until now.

I couldn't make out every word they were saying, but I caught most of it.

"…being ridiculous," Edward snapped. "You said everything was fine…"

"I swear, it is…" Jasper, sounding saddened.

"…to let us see her," Alice almost begged. "Carlisle and Esme want to talk…him. It's important, Jazz."

A long pause followed Alice's voice, almost a full minute of silence. I wondered if they had gone outside to talk more, but then I felt a hand brush across the side of my face and I temporarily stiffened. I wished I could open my eyes, although I already knew who it was.

"I'm sorry, Bella," Edward whispered. I felt his cool lips brush against my forehead lightly and knew I would have killed for this single moment a few months ago.

"I won't hurt you again."

Would I kill for it now?

"We have to go Edward," Alice said softly. "We can come back tomorrow?" Her tone was questioning now.

Jasper's reply was delayed, but confident, "Ask Bella yourself."

I furrowed my eyebrows and turned my head to where I thought he was standing, judging by where his voice came from. "Jasper…" I muttered, my voice low with drowsiness. Just speaking the single word was too much effort, though, and I settled back again, just deciding to let sleep take me. Jasper could tell them 'yes' in my place. It may sound cliché, but he knew me just as well as I did by now - if not better! That's probably how he knew what things to tease me about…

He would know my answer.

Because having nobody…it can really help you learn more about someone else.

* * *

Awwww-ness!! This was a tad bit rushed (another one!) but i'll take more care with the next. NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE AMAZING. I mean, like, globally more amazing. :-)

Well, amazing for me hehe.

Thanks for reading. And - I'm going to say it again - reviews make me SMILE! and i'll write more while it's the holiday as well. WHoop!

Soffie  
xxxxx


	8. AN I hate these too

**I KNow!! I suck! I'm SOOO sorry I haven't updated this week - my holiday hasn't been quite as workfree as i'd thought. **

**But I really need some help. I have two chapters written right now for chapter 7 - a Jasper-centric (which has much of his hotness) and an Edward-centric (which has more answers for you all). So could some of you let me know which you'd prefer, and I'll add what else I've wrote in a future chapter. **

**I'll try to update tonight and again on Sunday. Okey??!!**

**Thanks People!!**

**Soffie  
xxxxx**


	9. Chapter 7

Okie-Dokie! First of all, i'd like to say a HUGE thanks to everyone who 'voted'. But i'm rubbish at disappointing people, so the "Edward's" got it for the most part, but those "Jasper's" have got a little surprise at the end. I took the advise of one of my lovely reviewers '**Unique**' and put them both into one, big chapter! Pleases everyone. I promise to put much Jasper in the next though, for those who think there isn't nearly enough (who i will have to agree with).

And BTW, 'cause a lot of people say they're confused, just ASK ME!! I like explaining stuff, i'm just like that. So ask away, if need be.

Okey, after the rant, here's chapter 7!

Disclaimer: Don't own it :-(

* * *

Here's the first thing you need to know about life: When you come into this world, you haven't the slightest shred of knowledge of what you're letting yourself in for.

When you're a small child, life revolves around Disney movies, finger painting and dirt. Nothing major - you just have to learn not the wash your hands and then jab your fingers into a plug socket. Nothing is important at that age, besides for the occasional scheme to stay up past your bedtime. And it's a strange thing that these are the memories that are forgotten, those of when you were oblivious to the world. It's part of what makes growing up harder; you can't remember those times when things were just easy.

But certain occurrences during your lifetime, from that time when you were a naïve child, not-so-gradually hand you the information which tells you that the world isn't as wonderful as if seems. Adults used to be polite to you? They used to think you were young and innocent and needed protecting? Not anymore. They're not all kind and patient like you think. They let their age command superiority over you because you're young and can't do a thing about it. Some are cruel, some are violent, and some have the ability to be terrifying in the right circumstances.

But that's what the world does to you. It changes who you are. Different people have different obstacles thrown at them which they have to protect themselves from. And certain people find certain ways to shield themselves from these obstacles; and, more often than not, the changes that some have to make in themselves can really screw them up.

I knew that I was changing - selflessness and kindness can only hand around in a person for so long. Since the Cullen's turned their backs on me, I learnt just how sick the world can be. I was learning how to protect myself from that kind of hurt again; emotionally cut myself off from the rest of the world. It's an interesting thing, to never show emotion. It takes away the feeling of vulnerability as well, at least until I'm alone again.

But nobody will try to take advantage of stupid, naïve, innocent _Isabella Swan _now.

Oh! And now it's time for the main event.

And by that, I mean the event which completed the change in me.

The _person_ that completed the change in me.

Edward Cullen.

* * *

_Two Months Earlier_

I laid back on the bed with my head against the pillow; staring, unblinking, at the ceiling. Although I couldn't actually _see _anything a foot in front of my face, so I was really just staring into utter blackness towards what I knew to be the ceiling. Every light in the house was switched off and the curtains in my bedroom were drawn shut. I knew it was some time after midnight, but I wasn't even tired. I had too much to think about to consider sleeping.

I glanced down towards my broken arm and smiled, slowly tracing a circle around the area of my cast that Jasper had wrote on. He hadn't let me look at it until he had finished writing - which took less than two seconds. But when I'd looked down and saw what he'd wrote - his handwriting like perfect calligraphy - I couldn't hold in a laugh. '_Jasper Hale - Stupid, Smartass Vampire'_. I had mildly protested that someone might see it and get suspicious, he had advised that I say it's was a private joke between the two of us. It was only a half-lie. It _was _a private joke, just not in the way someone else might suspect.

But that memory brought some more, troublesome, memories with it.

I sighed and flattened my palm over my cast, letting it rest there as I stared across the room at nothing. When I'd woken up after Edward and Alice's visit, I was lying in my bed rather than on the couch. Jasper had been lying next to me, staring blankly at my broken arm. I hadn't thought he knew I was awake, as he made no action to show he knew I was there, but as I opened my mouth to speak he beat me to it…

"_I know you were still awake," Jasper said softly. "And I wish you hadn't been."_

"_Why didn't you want me to see them?" I asked, watching his face carefully. He didn't look away from my arm._

"_I can't let them hurt you again, Bells," Jasper whispered._

_A small smile crept onto my face when he said that, despite what was really meant by his words. "You called me Bells…" I noted, a faint happiness in my voice._

_Jasper looked up at me then, his golden eyes locking on my brown ones. He smiled back at me. "I could get used to it," he said._

_I chuckled quietly. "I'm glad…Jazz."_

I know you're thinking that that memory wasn't so troublesome; In fact, I can't help smiling every time I remember it. But it's knowing that I haven't seen him since then, two days ago, that hurts. I haven't gone longer than a few hours without seeing Jasper in what seems like much longer than a few months. But he told me he would have to stay away for a few days, until Edward came to see me.

"_I'll never be too far, Bells."_

And when he said that, I knew I would be safe.

Just then, the curtains were thrown open. I bolted upright without considering the pain in my neck. I cried out a brief profanity but didn't dwell on the discomfort for long. Moonlight streamed in through the now open window, illuminating a sharp strip of the room in a soft, silver glow.

And then there was the figure standing beside the window, silhouetted in the shadows of the room but still undeniably him.

"Hello, Edward…" I greeted him calmly - although I couldn't hide the quiver in my voice.

He looked up as I spoke and I could see the forced smile on his face. "Hello, Bella," he returned quietly. He was like a statue, rock solid and unable - or unwilling - to move. "It's…good to see you."

I half-smiled and rolled my eyes. "Even when I look like a broken doll?" I muttered.

Edward smiled crookedly - something that could have stopped my heart…_once upon a time_. "I'm sorry you were hurt…" He said. "But, how are you?"

I raised my eyebrows in confusion, but decided to answer what seemed to be a completely out-of-place question anyway. I pointed to my broken arm and groaned. "Should you really be asking a question like that to one of us uncoordinated people?" I enquired dubiously.

Edward seemed to relax slightly and he shook his head. "I suppose not," he answered. "But it's polite to ask."

I sniffed and leant back against the headboard of the bed. "I didn't think being civil was your main task around me anymore?" I hissed under my breath. It was barely audible to my own ears; so any human wouldn't have heard a word of it; but a vampire on the other hand…

"I don't think there was much need for that…" Edward muttered, frowning deeply.

"What?!" I cried incredulously, still careful of raising my voice too much when Charlie was asleep. It was one of those moments when anger seems to blind your usual reactions to any situation and takes a life of its own. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just slap you and throw you out?!" I demanded.

"You'd probably break your hand?" Edward replied slowly - probably with all seriousness.

I let out a short, harsh laugh. "Thank you for trying to make me feel like an idiot," I hissed. "But you've been here for ten seconds - that's ten more than the number of seconds you have even _looked _at me in total over the last few months - and now you're just going to mock me?"

Edward took a cautious step forward and shook his head. "I'm not here to fight-"

"I don't care!" I interrupted him sharply. "You said you'd never leave me, and you did! How can you-"

"Bella! Just let me explain this to you-"

"Why not leave Jasper to do that?" I cut in. "He's the only one who cares about me now."

Edward's expression darkened the instant I said Jasper's name. He clenched and unclenched his fists at his sides, carefully studying me from across the room. "_Jasper_," he spat out his name hatefully. "Has been seeing you regardless of the wishes of our family. He has shown no care about hurting any of us - including Alice. So don't you dare speak about him like that."

I didn't say anything to that, although my face lit up in shock. Edward went on the instant he realised I wasn't going to speak. When he spoke, though; it was more like he was ranting to himself rather than explaining things to me. I didn't even understand some of what he was saying: "In the time that _we _need him," he hissed, "he takes to disappearing without a word. After school one day, he shows up at the car and says he needs to do something and can't come back with us. He doesn't say what, but we respect his privacy. He comes back in the afternoon. But then he picks this up as a routine, and in the end he doesn't even come back to the car to tell us he going.

"And then he starts disappearing in the middle of the night as well, and you can imagine just how familiar that was to _me_.

"So, when he comes back one morning, we have a little _family meeting_. Long story short, Jasper says he's been seeing you, he gets a lecture from Carlisle and Esme.

"Then he goes and plays the hero by saving you from the second car to try and flatten you this year. So then Alice has this little _epiphany _that abandoning you wasn't such a bright idea anymore, even if it was for good reasons-"

"Good reasons?" I interjected bewilderedly. "Would you care to enlighten me on those?"

Edward sighed irritably and ran both hands through his hair. "It was only to make what ever is going to happen a lot less painful," he murmured.

"A little less vague, please," I snapped. "Just tell me, Edward."

Edward growled angrily and spun around to the window, resting his hands on the windowsill and staring out. I could hear his heavy breathing, low and intimidating. "I can only tell you so much," he sighed. "The rest you can hear from…_Jasper_."

I took no notice of his tone…every time he said Jasper's name.

"The hunting trip I supposedly took with Jasper and Emmett, never happened," Edward explained. "We just needed an excuse to stay away from you. You see, Alice saw something awful. We weren't sure what to do about it at the time, so we cut ourselves off from everyone - which isn't many people really - and that was including you. It was…for the protection of those around us - especially you, Bella. We couldn't risk anyone getting hurt, but we couldn't bring ourselves to leave. So we all kept our distance from you and everyone else in Fork's instead…That is, except for Jasper."

"What did she see?" I asked curiously, but I was terrified to know at the same time.

Then, at the most inopportune moment, I heard Charlie's voice call out from down the hall.

"Bella? Who are you talking to?" He asked worriedly, at the same time as I heard his footsteps padding towards my room.

I looked back round to the window only seconds before the door swung open.

But Edward was gone.

* * *

_Present Day_

"You're upset."

I yawned widely as I looked up from my empty plate. Jasper was sitting across the table from me, his head propped up on his hand as he smiled brightly at me. I was used to the inappropriate times when he would be smiling or laughing; but it was just because he knew it would always lighten my mood to see it.

"I'm not upset," I lied smoothly. Yeah, that was another thing that had changed about me. I was a far better liar - but I could still rarely fool Jasper. I pushed my chair back and stood up, carrying my plate over to the sink.

My arm was out of the cast now, but it was still a little weaker than my other - a very strange sensation. But I suppose that was bound to happen when it hadn't been used for anything in over a month.

"I don't need to be an empath to know you're upset about something, Bells," Jasper said. He leant back in the chair and started spinning an empty glass in circles on the table, making it only a blur of movement.

I dumped my plate into the sink loudly, mildly surprised that it didn't smash with the force. "Jazz, just trust me. I'm. Not. Upset," I persisted as I spun back around on my heels. Jasper was still spinning the glass, but he was watching me now.

"Jut let me know then," he sighed, already knowing I would understand what he meant.

I nodded and smiled. "I will."

I could rarely let the _new me _show around Jasper, it was hard not to laugh and have fun around him. But he still noticed all the changes I'd made to myself. I know he didn't like all of them, but he had already admitted to liking the new way I handled myself if I was in an argument; at school mostly - with much sarcasm.

I found myself grinning as I stared at the wall, obviously zoning out of reality for a while because a moment later I blinked and Jasper was standing in front of me, laughing. "It seems my utter brilliance is all that makes this world worth coming back to, I see?" He said smugly.

I sniffed irately and moved to step around him, but he only pulled me straight back and folded his arms around me, chuckling lightly still. It was a soothing sound, and I could feel his ribcage vibrating with his laughs as I rested my head on his chest. "I'm only joking, Bella," Jasper assured me lightly, smoothing down my hair with his hand.

I smirked and rested my chin on his chest, staring into his light, topaz eyes. "Sure, Jazz," I muttered sceptically.

But Jasper didn't say anything in response. He just smiled.

* * *

I really do love Jasper (and Jackson Rathbone. Watched him in 'Pray For Morning' last night. The hotness!)

I injured myself while writing this chapter. Just thought i'd say. I got an electric shock from my laptop from a graze on the edge. F*****g painful. Avoid doing that! Everyone!

Anyway, thanxs for reading! And, as i will always say, reviews make me SMILE! :-)

BTW - New Found Glory are to thank for this chapter. I wrote it while listening to several of their albums.

Love ya all!

Soffie  
xxxx


	10. Chapter 8

First of all, I would just like to say this: Don't judge him yet. You'll all know what I mean once you start reading.

Anyway, thank you to my lovely reviewers, even though fanfic screwed up right after I'd updated! i was all 'GRR!' ;)

Disclaimer: Don't own Twilight :(

* * *

The sun was only just rising when I woke up.

It took me several seconds to find the will to drag my eyelids open, and then another few more to register that I was numb from the early morning frost, and then more time to realise I wasn't even at _home_ - or inside, for that matter.

I edged myself to the side slightly with a nudge of my shoulder, which sent a dull throb of pain down my back. I sniffed irritably and slowly curled myself into a foetal position on the…ground, I guessed. I could feel the cold and damp morning dew seeping through my clothes from the grass and I laid there, reluctant to move despite the cold - so I made the connection that I was in fact lying on _ground_. I'm a true genius, I know.

I was aware that I couldn't feel the cold as much as I normally would; probably from lying on the cold ground all night, my body temperature had dropped. Thinking back, I began to remember the events of the night as I eased my mind out of sleep. As I did this, the groan which was slowly building in the back of my throat grew louder and louder. I'd never been a truly reckless or irresponsible person, but last night really got the better of me.

Yeah, new Bella made _new _friends.

I heard a chuckling beside me, low and mocking and incredibly familiar. I'd grown used to that laugh, over the last two weeks. I heard it daily. I turned my head and was met by a pair of bright green eyes, staring intently back at me.

Jamie Walker smiled widely, his eyes twinkling in the light of the brightening sky. "Welcome back," he sang teasingly. He raised one, amused eyebrow. "You must have drank enough to get a fully grown man drunk."

I squeezed my eyes shut again and attempted to shake my head - which felt as heavy as a boulder. "You are hilarious," I groaned slowly. Jamie only laughed.

He was about a month younger than me, but with the maturity of someone the age of ten who somehow managed to both drink and drive - preferably not at the same time. He was new at Forks High last month, but I'd never spoken to him until a little while ago. I sat with him at lunch; one of the few sunny days in Forks in which the Cullen's were gone. I hated those days. The only days I was ever away from Jasper, mostly…

After that, I hadn't gotten rid of Jamie for the rest of the day. So in those few remaining hours of the school day I managed to pick up on his most common personality traits: sarcasm and cynicism - I'd become much the same.

I heard the rustling of Jamie's movements beside me, then something blotted out the glimmers of sunlight. I opened a single, cautious eye to see him standing in front of me. His black hair fell over his forehead messily, but in a way that he always did on purpose. He stood with his hands on his hips, grinning menacingly. "Time to get up, Swan," he chuckled.

I let out a short cry of defiance and dropped my head back down. I'm never drinking again, I kept thinking. Ever, ever, ever, ever…

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself," Jamie complained light-heartedly. I felt his hands closed around my forearms and he yanked me to my feet in one swift - if not _too _swift - movement. My head seemed to spin in a dozen different directions at once. I swayed left and right before collapsing forwards again, not entirely unintentionally. Unfortunately to the part of me that just wanted to fall down and sleep, Jamie caught me. He fell back slightly into a crouch before standing up straight again. He swore and pulled me against him as he started dragging me down the street, muttering something about someone as young as me not supposed to be getting a hangover.

"Sleep…" I grumbled lengthily, moaning melodramatic sobs. My feet were mostly being dragged along behind me, unable to keep up with Jamie's quick footsteps. After a while I gave up even attempting to walk, though; instead supporting myself by grabbing fistfuls of Jamie's black jacket - which I had never seen him without.

"All right, Drowsy," Jamie muttered. "The other dwarves are waiting…"

I didn't open my eyes as Jamie bent down and placed his hand across the back of my knees, sweeping me - none too gently - into his arms. I gasped in shock and for a moment my eyes darted open, catching only a glimpse of the trees around us before closing again. "Why…trees…cold…" I managed to say. I was aware that I was only speaking one word from three sentences. I hoped Jamie would understand at least one of them.

"Hey, don't blame me!" Jamie chuckled. "You're the one who passed out on me last night. I was just trying to get you home."

I groaned again and buried my face in his chest, shaking my head as though I could erase everything that happened after the not-so-great Grand Theft Alcohol incident last night. Charlie was going to kill me for this…

"Almost there," Jamie announced with sickening happiness.

"No," I exclaimed in a whisper. "Not home…"

Jamie chuckled again. "No, not home," he explained. "I got a call from your carer." He laughed shortly at that. "He said he had the perfect thing to cure your headache, so I'm taking you to him."

"Carer…?" I grunted.

Another laugh. "Only Forks' favourite manic-depressive," Jamie muttered sarcastically. "Jasper Hale."

And despite myself, I smiled.

* * *

Ten minutes later, Jamie knocked loudly on the Cullen's front door - after having dropped me back onto my feet, and then catch me again when I promptly collapsed against him. The knocking made me cringe back painfully, with a mumbled exclamation of hatred as my head started feel it was splitting open. Any noise over the volume of a twig snapping was offensive to me right then.

I briefly wondered what the Cullen's would usually be doing this early in the morning. Hunting, maybe? Or did they sit around the dining room table and have _family time_? Nothing would surprise me much. Well, nothing remotely within reason.

But theyobviously didn't do a lot, as they'd ordered a half-dead Bella to care for.

I eased my eyes open one at a time, thankful that I was facing away from the merciless sunlight - a dull yellow and orange colour, seeping through the trees. Jamie glanced down at me out the corner of his eye - latched onto his shoulder - and smirked.

"You're looking a lot-" He started to say, but then the door creaked open and he cut himself off.

"Jazz!" I mumbled happily, stumbling in his general direction. I was caught in a pair of strong arms and swung in a semicircle into the manor - I could only tell by the sudden warmth which enclosed around my otherwise frozen body.

"Get him out of here!" Jasper's voice hissed lividly in my ear. I was glad to hear it again, regardless.

"Everything OK?" Jamie called. I noticed the door was closed behind Jasper, with Jamie still outside…in the _sunlight_.

Stupid, Bella.

"I'm fine, Jay," I assured him, my voice just louder than a whisper as I moved to stand by the door. "Just go home."

"Surely do," he chuckled. "See you later then, Bella."

I waited as his footsteps made there way back across the porch, before I could no longer hear them at all. I breathed out heavily and turned to face Jasper, expecting to be bombarded with questions about Jamie…

But I was instead greeted with a wide smile. Jasper rested his hands on my shoulders and scanned my face in seconds, smiling calmly the whole time. "I missed you, you know" he whispered, as though it was a secret.

I laughed softly. "I missed you, too," I whispered back.

Jasper chuckled quietly and nodded his head in the direction of the kitchen. "You're fan club is waiting." He leaned towards me and lowered his voice to a theatrical whisper. "They're throwing you a rather _extreme_ 'Welcome back/almost your birthday' party."

I frowned and shook my head disbelievingly. "It's been two days since I last saw you all," I pointed out. "And I really don't want a birthday party."

Jasper rolled his eyes and shrugged. "It's mostly Alice - But Esme and Edward couldn't help themselves, either. Your birthday was just an additional excuse. They thought it appropriate to make up for the time we lost." He grinned. "_They _lost," he corrected himself.

"_Jasper_!" Alice's high, soprano voice called from the bottom of the stairs. I turned around to see the small vampire with her hands on her hips, frowning deeply at Jasper. "You gave away the surprise!" She complained.

Jasper shook his head. "I'm sure Bella guessed. You take any opportunity for a party."

I smiled, forcing my eyes to stay open. I wanted to just blurt out I was tired like a four-year-old and throw a tantrum, but I wouldn't disappoint them if they'd gone through the trouble of a party.

…At about one in the morning…when I'm hung over…when they disappointed me for months in a row.

But even new Bella hated to disappoint people.

Some things just don't change.

Alice let out a sigh but still smiled at me. "Wait there for a minute," she said brightly. "Be happy, we don't have alcohol." Then she disappeared again.

Jasper sniffed a laugh and rested his chin on my shoulder from behind. "I think someone needs an energy boost," he noted in a whisper.

I grunted in a agreement; shortly before my headache began to simmer away, along with the weight which had made keeping my eyes open a battle.

I blinked once and grinned up at Jasper. "Nice trick, and…" I paused and bit my lower lip nervously. "Wont Charlie be-"

"Taken care of," Jasper interrupted calmly. "He thinks you slept here last night."

* * *

"Someone! Hold her down!"

"Bella! Stay still!"

"You think that's possible for her?"

"Shut up, Emmett."

"Harsh, dude!"

I chuckled at the brief exchange of words between Emmett and Edward, with an impossibly wide smile across my face the whole time. In all honesty, my sudden burst of energy and enthusiasm wasn't entirely Jasper's doing. Sure, he was the only reason I was still on my feet - rather than passed out in a heap on the floor - but he wasn't the reason for me jumping up and down around the manor like an escaped mental patient. I wasn't sure where my sudden upbeat attitude had come from - clearly not from Jasper, judging from his reaction to my abrupt elation - but it had already made me forget about my night out with Jamie and the others. I was unimaginably grateful for that, believe me.

I felt a hand press against my lower back and I stumbled slightly. My left foot slipped forward and I fell back, although not very far. I was caught instantly and found myself staring up into the amused face of Edward. "You're going to give yourself a stroke, Bella," he chuckled, setting me back on my feet again.

I sniffed in dismissal of the comment. "Can't I enjoy myself?" I huffed.

And truthfully, I _was_ enjoying myself. I was actually rather glad to be with the Cullen's again, despite everything. But don't go thinking it's because timid Bella can't handle being on her own, or that I could never go on without them. No, that's not it at all. It's simply that I'd gotten used to seeing them before, and it felt like I was falling back into my comfortable routine again. Being with Edward…Alice…all of them, it felt familiar. But I was not foolish enough to think I would ever feel the same family-like devotion to them again. I'd grown up a lot over the last few weeks. I was not that naïve anymore, and I knew they weren't my family.

Not to all of them, anyway.

"Of course you can," Edward replied calmly. He smiled crookedly. My heart didn't leap. "Just do not destroy the furniture."

I forced myself to smile back at him.

The party was as Jasper told me: _Extreme_. Alice had really outdone herself this time. She had gone for a theme of lilac and dark purple, decorating practically every room she thought I might go in. A banner was hung up across the staircase now, with the words _Happy Almost-Birthday, Bella! _written across it in italics. Several balloons were scattered across the floor of every downstairs room (with the same words as the banner). I hadn't seen the high-praised cake yet, though. _That_ was what I was most dreading - and Alice couldn't shut up about it.

I tuned out the sound of the stereo, playing random songs I barely even knew, as Edward leant down and lightly kissed me on the lips. I was still not getting used to that…

I pulled away quickly and forced another smile before I turned around. I caught sight of Jasper as he was making his way out the front door. He met my gaze for a moment from across the room, and I could see the sadness in his expression, even deeper in his eyes. I followed after him without thinking.

The sun shone brightly through the treetops, for the third time this week. I wasn't liking this new weather Forks was picking up - I was seeing Jasper less and less as a result of it.

He was sitting down, leaning again a tree, when I spotted him again. His head was leaning back against the trunk and his eyes were shut lightly. He looked completely peaceful. His skin sparkled beautifully in the sunlight, like a million diamonds.

I approached him slowly, careful not to make any noise to disturb him, although he could probably hear me making my way towards him as well as I might hear a rhino _charging_ at me.

_What a gorgeous comparison, Bella. _

I sat down beside Jasper and hugged my knees to my chest, watching him silently out the corner of my eye. He made no move to show he was aware of my presence, but he started speaking practically the moment I sat down.

"They expect me to go along with them," he said in a whisper. I could see the lilac shade around his eyes more clearly now; glistening slightly. "They think I'm going to go back to just being Alice's husband, and nothing more to you. But I'm not going to. But you already knew that, didn't you?"

I breathed in deeply and nodded absentmindedly. "I knew," I sighed.

A small smile crept onto Jasper's face, but his eyes remained closed. This was so much like that day outside the school…trying to see a blue sky that wasn't there. But now it was.

"I won't leave you, Bella," Jasper assured me. "Not for anything, or anyone."

I smiled and edged closer to him. "Thanks, Jazz."

He gradually opened his eyes to look at me, bright golden and beautiful, and grinned. The sun cast an even brighter light on Jasper as it rose higher in the sky, making him sparkle like a crystal. He leaned towards me and for a moment I was struck with the crazy delusion that he might kiss me, but he stopped a few inches from my face. Oddly, my second thought was how much I _wouldn't _have minded. After that, about a dozen questions popped into my head at once, none of which I could answer. Some of which I didn't _want _to answer. I examined my emotions for a moment, finding nothing but confusion.

Jasper frowned suddenly, his head tilting at an angle ever so slightly. "Well aren't we an emotion rollercoaster today?" He observed.

"Huh?" I coughed and shook my head, letting out a short, anxious chuckle. "Sorry. I guess I've made myself tired again," I lied smoothly.

Jasper - being Jasper - just grinned and pushed himself to his feet, pulling me up beside him. "Let's get you home then."

_I am home_, I thought.

"All right," Is what I said.

* * *

BTW, Jamie was not just randomly thrown in for fun (although I wrote him in honour of my little sarcastic friend Matt) He shall return...

ANyways, let me know what you thought!! I love reviews! And i'd like to know what you all thought of Jamie.

(and don't think Bella's letting go of the whole abandonment thing yet..)

Soffie  
xxxx


	11. Chapter 9

Okey. I know it's unusual for me to have two chapters up in one week, but this is more of a bonus chapter - with lots of funness and revealing Jasper's thoughts. hehe.

I hope you all enjoy this as i might not update for about a week due to coursework. BAH!

AS always, thank you reviewers!!

Disclaimer: Don't own it...

* * *

JPOV

Watching the sky had become my most favoured pass time lately. I had grown accustomed to perching myself on a high tree branch, usually further into the forest than most Forks' residents ventured, and sitting there for hours. It was easy to lose track of time when you never sleep, so it'd be getting dark before I even realised it was past morning.

I was doing the same today.

I sat with my arms folded across my chest, leaning back against the trunk with one leg hanging over the side of the branch. I hadn't looked away from the sun in a time dangerous to the eyes of a human. It was another sunny day, third day in a row, so we wouldn't be going into Forks High again. In all honesty, it was mildly disappointing. I'd grown to like being at school lately. It was made slightly more bearable by the presence of Bella. She had the same sort of infectious excitement as Alice at times, which I'd always liked, except she had the human ability to grow tired - A godsend in some ways, I'll admit - But she also came with a slightly better grip on things more important than shopping. That was the only quality of Alice's that made me which I could sleep, just to fake it when she asked me to go shopping with her. Bella was lucky enough to be able to_…_

I suddenly noticed the sunlight streaming brighter through intertwining tree branches, bathing my skin in a soft glow…

I knew that my being with Bella was like placing a mildly tamed lion into a cage with a rabbit - with a steak stapled to its back - But it was only I who was willing to take the risk so we wouldn't end up losing her. The rest of my family were blinded by their knowledge of the subjective future; but I was never close enough with Bella to stress over it so much. Admittedly, I was filled with rage at her complete ignorance to the situation. She hadn't a clue what Alice had seen, which meant she didn't know what her choices were leading to. When I nearly attacked her in the cafeteria, and quite literally jumped on her in the garden, I wasn't controlling my emotions very well - while at the same time picking up on those emotions of my family from only several metres away each time. Their anger, depression and growing resentment were hitting me hard while I was around them, which is why it was so much easier for me to be _alone_ with Bella. At the time, I did not predict that I might develop any sort of friendship with Bella. The only reason I was staying with her at all was because I knew it was what would be best for our family in the end; especially Alice and Edward. They'd realise their mistake and regret ever letting Bella go - that's pretty much what I told myself.

But I knew that what Alice saw would never go away.

We'd never forget what was going to happen to Bella…What still might happen to her-

My eyes darted away from the sky at the sound of approaching footsteps. I was surprised I hadn't heard them sooner, but I wasn't paying much attention to anything below to treetops. I could tell already who it was, though, and wondered why she was moving so slowly.

Alice stepped out from around the tree a moment later, watching me silently with a small smile on her face. My returning smile was on impulse and full of adoration. I swung myself round on the branch and pushed forward; falling to the earth like a stone, but landing with the poise of precision of a cat, only a metre in front of Alice.

Her eyes held a familiar glimmer of happiness which had been missing for so long. I was glad to se it again.

"How's the weather today?" She asked teasingly, lightly wrinkling her nose.

I smiled at her expression. "Unusually bright," I answered. "For Forks," I added.

Alice nodded in agreement, breathing her beautiful laugh. "Well, Carlisle wanted me to how you might feel about a game of baseball later?" She explained. "There might be a storm later this afternoon - celebration of the end of the sunny days." She rolled her eyes. "Feel like joining us?"

I could tell by the look in her eyes that she knew my answer already, or rather knew what she wanted it to be. But, I never could let her down. "Of course," I sighed.

Alice laughed lightly and jumped into the air excitedly. "Thank you, Jazz," she sang, moving onto her tiptoes to quickly peck my lips. "Come home soon, OK?"

I could feel her worry as well as see it in her expression, so I attempted to reassure her with a smile - she didn't like it much when I tampered with her emotions in any other way. "I will," I promised.

Alice smiled once more and then she turned around and skipped away, disappearing as quickly as she'd appeared.

* * *

The sky had quickly clouded over by midday, already letting loose the first refreshing drops of rain. I was glad for the return of the dreary weather. I had missed seeing Bella at school - mostly as it was truly amusing to watch the Newton boy follow her through the halls like he was possessed.

It was still raining steadily as I stood in the Forks High parking lot, waiting for the students to begin pouring out. I was leant back against the bonnet of Edward Volvo, while he remained sat inside listening to the intolerable Debussy. I used to be able to stand classical music, but Edward had managed to ruin it for me by playing it far too frequently at a volume usually only acceptable for metal.

I turned my eyes towards the ground, absentmindedly stubbing the end of my boot against the stones under my feet. I was aware that my clothes were partially covered in dirt from spending my day - once again - in the forest. Alice had brushed the twigs out of my hair earlier, all the while complaining that I should take more care of myself when I'm 'dashing about' - and even try looking in a mirror, if I just so happen to pass one. I'd agreed with a grin.

"Hey, Grumpy!"

I swivelled round as Bella sudden appeared, prompt up beside me on the bonnet. She grinned at me, looking triumphant. The second time today I was too far into my thoughts to register any noise around me. I hadn't even heard her until she was right beside me.

I raised an eyebrow at her. "Grumpy?" I questioned.

Bella's grin spread wider across her face. "Yup," she answered. "Apparently I'm Drowsy. So you're Grumpy; Alice is Happy; Edward is Sneezy; Emmett is Dopey; Carlisle is Doc; Esme is Sleepy and Rosalie is Snow White." She grinned.

I blinked, confused. "What are you-?"

"The seven dwarfs, Jazz," she groaned.

"I know that!" I insisted. I did know that. "But I'm interested as to why Edward is Sneezy?" I smiled a small smile.

Bella's grin returned straight away. "Because he doesn't fit any of the others," she answered in the tone of a child.

I laughed. "Might I suggest a change?" I enquired.

Bella waved her hand, gesturing for me to speak.

I breathed a short chuckle. "First of all, Drowsy isn't a dwarf - it's Sleepy. But I'd like to suggest that you and Rose switch roles."

Bella pursed her lips. "But then I have to put up with you more, Grumpy," she teased.

I raised my eyebrows. "Well, if you've seen the movie, you'll notice how devoted Grumpy is to Snow White."

A soft look took over Bella's features then. That didn't happen very often anymore. "Well, I guess I'll have to settle for my new role then," she said quietly.

I smiled affectionately and gently rested my hand on top of hers. Not even a second later, there was a crash as the car door was opened and slammed shut again.

I glanced round to look at Edward, his eyes blazing as he slowly walked round the car. He didn't say anything as he continued past us, leaving behind the car and the keys in the ignition.

* * *

Sorry it's so short, but if i'd put more in the next chapter wouldn't be so good. you'll see why

anyway, please REVIEW and lemme know what you thought! I revealed stufff, after all!!!!!

love ya all!!

Soffie  
xxxx


	12. Chapter 10

Okey. i've been getting a bit annoyed with all the reviews which basically just say people are confused and that's it. i'll explain things to you if they're not coming up in a chapter, so either ask and i'll tell you, or it will be explained later. I don't like being a bitch or whatever to my reviewers, 'cause i love you all (weird) but i just had to say that.

Rant done now, sorry. Thanks to my reviewers, as always. i appreciate them.

Disclaimer: I Don't own Twilight, sadly :-(

* * *

_9:23pm. December 31st. New Years Eve evening. _

I'd never been one for celebrating the New Year. Mostly because I never had much of an excuse for it, and I couldn't image how rolling a number up one on the year count changed anything. Everyone still has the same problems, they don't just go away. A new start with the New Year? I suppose that's what gave people hope and why they celebrated it. But I changed my life earlier than the New Year. So how could it possibly change further? Charlie said this was my chance to fix things - Like I couldn't have done that already if I wanted.

"Bass?" Jamie's called from downstairs. His tone was laced with badly suppressed annoyance. "I'm giving you thirty seconds before I drag you down the stairs myself."

"Shut up, Jay!" I called back irritably - a result of the nickname he refused to stop using for me, 'cause apparently a Bass is better than a Bell (and Sleep/Drowsy got boring). I hastily pulled on a pair of dark jeans - from a pile of clothes which had steadily grew on the rocking chair - a light blue sweater and a jacket before throwing open the bedroom door. I stopped suddenly and took an automatic step back, swearing quietly in surprise.

Jamie raised an eyebrow and folded his arms across his stomach. "I know," he muttered smugly, winking. I groaned, but he gave me no time to reply as he grabbed hold of my arm and started pulling me along behind him down the stairs.

"See, we have to hurry now," he complained with an out of place smirk. "_You_ have already managed to make us twenty minutes late." We hit the last step and he stopped me before I stepped down. I was about his height now, standing on the stair. Jamie frowned as he examined my choice of clothing. "I thought you were gonna wear the jacket I got you for your birthday?" He recalled.

I grinned. "No. _You _told me to wear it. _I _never said I was going to."

He wrinkled his nose in distaste. "You look awful," he said mercilessly.

I scoffed and pushed him aside. "Try getting a haircut before saying that to me again."

Jamie waved away the comment and sighed in disgust. "Change this?" He pointed to his messy clump of black hair. "Bass, _please_."

In case you haven't noticed, Jamie's sexual preference _isn't _for girls. It's why I love him. It's why _every _girl loves him. He's practically one of us 'cause he grew up with his mom and two sisters - one older, one younger - and was home schooled with them. I'm not saying that's where his preference for men came from, 'cause it's probably not. But it's how he knows woman so well.

"I can't believe you're making me go to this party, Jay," I shouted from the kitchen, where I collected my bag from the table - holding only a few of the essentials. I threw it over my shoulder and made my way back towards the door. "It's not like _you _even like half the people in our school, so why purposely go to a social gathering with-"

"Social gathering?" Jamie interrupted with a chuckle. He was leant against the wall by the front door, moving a few strands of his hair around in what seemed to be a random manner - but was most likely not.

"Yes," I confirmed in a polite tone. "And, I'll go on, a social gathering with these people when we could have a perfectly fun night on our own."

Jamie's eyebrows shot up for a moment and a wide grin spread across his face. "Oh, could we, Miss Swan?"

"Oh, for the…" I started bitterly but trailed off. I shook my head and pulled open the front door, saying as an afterthought, "Don't call me Miss Swan."

After a long debate the night before, Jamie ended up getting his way and we walked to the celebration - I refused to call it a party, regardless of how ridiculous 'celebration' sounded. It seemed completely pointless to me, even now. Jamie's dad sent him and his sisters a few grand every new year, instead of getting any of them anything for Christmas and birthdays, and Jamie had bought a motorcycle about a year ago with the money. _However_, he refused to use it with me on the back - he said it was too dangerous. I protested greatly on the matter, but he didn't even come close to caving. I really could have slapped him for it, except I knew that he might well have slapped me back.

We had been walking for ten minutes so far. The _celebration _was at Jessica Stanley's house, about a thirty minute walk away. Another reason for me to send waves of hatred towards Jamie.

"See!" I exclaimed after barely a moment of silence, pointing to a passing car. "You have one of those, too! Why couldn't we have-?"

"Because," Jamie interrupted pointedly. "I want to walk. Walking is good for you, Bass. It's a little thing called _exercise_."

I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest stubbornly. "My apologies for doubting your expertise," I muttered sarcastically.

Jamie smiled. "It's quite alright."

We walked in silence for a few minutes after that, the only noise being Jamie humming along absent-mindedly to the tune of 'What Do I Get?' by 'The Buzzcocks' - he was big on Punk. I let my thoughts wander during the silence, all the way to the manor in the forest. I ended up spending my birthday with the Cullen's, and practically every other day after that with them. I was glad to be finding my place with them again, even if I could never forget what happened with us. But it was becoming more and more obvious that they wanted thing to go back to _exactly _how they were. Figured out what I mean by that? In other words, they wanted me to have as little to do with Jasper as possible. I was seeing Jasper less and less, and the time I once spent with him was being taken up by Edward. And where was he now, you might ask? Edward is nearby, waiting to swoop in if I need him. The truth was I'd never needed _him _less. The person I really needed wasn't _allowed near _me. I saw Jasper at school, and when I was visiting all of the Cullen's at the manor. But it hadn't been just him and me in months. It was like having one of my senses snatched away, or a limb. It felt like part of me was gone, corny as it sounds. I needed Jasper - so much more than I ever needed Edward.

"Bass? You still in there?"

I blinked stupidly and focused my eyes on Jamie. He was waving his hand in front of my face, laughing with bright amusement. "What is it?" I asked.

Jamie laughed again and started walking - When did I stop? - While throwing an arm over my shoulders. "You completely zoned out on me!" He explained. "Where did you go?"

I chuckled at his strange way of saying I was daydreaming. My eyes drifted across the road to the trees, stretching backwards with the black sky sending a dark air over the forest. But I could never find it frightening.

"Somewhere far away from you," I mocked.

* * *

I never knew it was possible for the kids in Forks to get alcohol.

Hell was I wrong.

Most of the kids from Forks High were _rejoicing_ the New Year at Jessica Stanley's celebration. The house was already full of teenagers when Jamie and I arrived close to ten; immediately finding a keg in the kitchen - oddly placed, I thought. That was almost two hours and quite a few dozen drunken teenager ago. Both Jamie and I were two of the drunken teenagers, waiting for the New Year's countdown - with far too much enthusiasm considering my philosophy on New Year - with a cup of beer each. I was sat in Jamie's lap on the couch, both of us singing 'Anarchy in the UK' as loud as we could to drown out the currently terrible music blasting through the stereo.

I laughed loudly as Jamie spilt half the cup of beer down his shirt, midway through our little sing-song. He just shrugged and downed the rest of the small cup, making me laugh once again. Jamie tossed his cup across the room and patted my thigh, signalling for me to move off of him. I did so, stumbling even more than usual in my drunken state. Jamie wrapped his arm around my waist and guided me towards the kitchen. "The beloved keg waits!" He bellowed. He acted even more insane than usual when he had a few - OK, more than a few - beers in him.

Not even five minutes later; I was leaning back against Jamie's chest while he leant against the wall, both of us finishing the last drops of our drinks. I groaned and stared into my empty cup, willing for more to appear. I hadn't gotten drunk since that night when Jamie and I woke up in the forest. Not a night to remember…

Jamie swivelled me around to face him suddenly, making my head spin wildly. It took my eyes a _long _time to bring his face into focus. "I'm gonna get more," he told me, his voice slurred slightly. "Want some?" He held up his cup.

I nodded once and my head spun again. "Yup," I agreed cheerfully.

Jamie laughed and headed off towards the kitchen again, leaving me to stand alone in the hall. I stumbled over to the stairs and started making my way up, for no reason at all. I had no purpose to fulfil by climbing up those stairs, so I'm not sure why I even did. As I reached the landing at the top of the staircase, I became aware of two things at once.

One - a group of guys bursting out of the door at the end of the hall, heading towards me without looking where they were going.

Two - the sound of someone calling my name; my _real _name.

I looked backwards towards the front door, gripping onto the banister so I wouldn't fall off balance. I recognised him instantly, even through my blurred vision, standing in the open doorway. Jasper's golden eyes landed on me, his expression twisted with fear. His mouth shot open and he shouted my name in a voice filled with anguish.

I didn't have time to turn around before the group of boys crashed into me, knocking me over the banister with the force of the blow. I couldn't even grab onto anything, my mind wasn't working fast enough. I screamed in fear as the ground came at me, impossibly fast. I had a split-second to think that people say your life flashes before your eyes just before you die, but all I saw in my mind was Jasper.

I waited for the ground to meet me, for the pain that would cripple my body while everyone around me watched in horror but didn't even help me. But the pain never came. I never hit the ground. Was I flying? How ridiculous.

I suddenly saw that same pair of golden eyes from the doorway looking down at me. I could feel his arms holding me now, which is why I just thought for one ludicrous second that I was flying. He studied my face for a moment, looking torn, and then he spun around and made his way towards the door, still carrying me.

I caught Jamie's eyes from the kitchen doorway before I was outside. He looked scared and completely shocked. It was only then did I notice the voices of the people around me.

"Did you even see him move?"

"That was impossible."

I breathed in sharply and looked up at Jasper's face. He looked back towards the house once, checking, before breaking into a run. I couldn't feel the bitter cold of the wind due to the alcohol in my body, but it was still managing to slowly sober me up from the force. I grasped at Jasper's shirt, crying softly as my body shook from the shock of nearly _dying_. He pulled me closer to his chest, the only way he could comfort me while he was running. I could see the trees passing by around us, like on the outside of a fast-moving vehicle. The colours of the forest were blackened by the night. Suited how I felt.

Jasper stopped running before we reached the house, though, and set me down on a tree stump. I hugged my knees to my chest, shaking violently still. The occasional sob escaped my lips as I slowly rocked myself back and forth.

Jasper sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me. He placed a soft kiss on the top of my head, whispering softly to me that I was OK. I snuggled deeper into his chest, crying heavily.

"You're OK, Bella," Jasper whispered, kissing my temple. "It didn't happen. Alice was wrong. You're OK."

I might not have caught what he said if I was still sobbing, but I heard his voice clearly as I slowly got a grip on my crying. I turned my head to look up at him; the moonlight was casting a silver glow on his perfect face. "What? Alice was wrong about what?" I asked quietly.

Jasper closed his eyes for a moment and shook his head once. He opened his eyes a moment later and gently placed his hand on my cheek. "You know about Alice's vision," he said softly. "I'm not going to linger on this. You don't deserve that. Why they all turned their backs on you, Bella, was because they knew we were going to lose you." He sighed, slowly rubbing his thumb across my cheek. "The car accident, when I saved you…Bella, you were supposed to die. Alice…she saw you were going to die that day."

I didn't speak. I felt like the information had made my mind go into overload. I was supposed to…die before? Did she see tonight as well? I wanted to ask, but I couldn't say anything.

"She…" Jasper's voice choked for a moment, as if he might cry if he could. "She keeps seeing you…dying, Bella."

That hit like a blow to my chest, and I let out another sob. I pulled Jasper's hand from my cheek and held it in both of mine, squeezing so hard it might have broken if he were human. It was like holding a large block of ice between my hands, but I didn't want to let go.

"But I'll keep saving you," Jasper told me, his voice confident but filled with sadness. "I will _never_ let you die."

I let out another sob and threw my arms around Jasper, hugging him so tightly that I could have made myself pass out. He hugged me back with equal strength, which probably wasn't much for him, but it felt so right.

"Don't let me die," I whispered. "I can't leave you."

Jasper sighed heavily, blowing some of my hair away from my ear. He pulled away from me and brushed the hair from my face, staring into my eyes with a look I hadn't seen in a long time. "You won't have to leave. You are _not _going anywhere."

I nodded quickly and let out a shaking breath. The way he was looking at me made me feel safe again. The last person to look at me like that was Edward…but that was so long ago I'd forgotten the feeling it filled me with. But I knew it again now.

I didn't pause for a second. I wrapped my arms around Jasper's neck again and, without stopping to think, brought my lips down to his.

* * *

This took me a LONG time. I kept changing things and making more Jasper, then less Jasper, then more, then less again. I'm quite happy with how this turned out though, and i hope all of you are too. :-) (did any of you guess that was Alice's vision??)

Anyways, if you guys can get me to 100 reviews i will love you ALL!! please, just a few words of advice or even a simple 'good chapter, Soffie' y'know... Reviews do make me smile, after all...

:-)

Soffie  
xxxx


	13. Chapter 11

I am SOOOO sorry!! This took me a ridiculously long time to put up. My internet has been out for two weeks (painful) and then i ended up rewriting this chapter, cause i didn't like it.

Anyway, thank you all for the lovely reviews. 102! whoop!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight :-(

* * *

There was an instant rush of wind in my ears, like a strange sort of reaction that the world was taking to my impulsive actions. I could hear it whistling in my ears, like the sound of a bird's song; or maybe it was just something my imagination made up for the moment. But I could have cared less about whether my sense of hearing was deceiving me. All I knew in the world right then was how perfect it felt to be here.

Jasper had saved my life, in more ways than one. I always had him even when the other Cullens gave up on me. The only reason I was still alive was because he wouldn't leave me like they did; and I remember the shame I felt in that moment, only just realising all of this.

Jasper reached up and placed his hand on my cheek, pulling me even closer to him. I felt a shiver run through me from his cool touch, but I was sure the cold had little to do with it. His reaction was almost immediate to me kissing him, which filled me with more joy than I thought possible. I'm not sure what I was expecting to be his reaction, although I knew it would have torn me apart if he pushed me away - physically or figuratively. But I knew from the moment that I felt his arm curl around my waist that I didn't want him to let go.

But I was swiftly filled with a bitter disappointment as Jasper broke our kiss, although he held me tighter as a compromise - It was _almost _enough of a substitute. I gradually opened my eyes, afraid of the strange notion that he might suddenly be gone. But he was still there. His eyes were the first thing I saw, but they were not how I expected. They were pitch black.

His hand slipped from my cheek and grasped my shoulder to pull me closer to him again - but it was not in a loving way at all. I hissed painfully and attempted to pull away from him, but he only held onto me tighter, then a low growl tore through his chest.

The disappointment I'd felt was rapidly replaced by shock and disbelief. Every nerve in my body shouted at me to run and scream for the other Cullens, but every other part of me kept me beside Jasper. There was a feeling of resentment in my stomach and chest at the thought of running away, because it would only mean a different kind of death if he chose not to see me again if he lost control.

"Jasper…" I breathed his name cautiously, at the same time trying to pull his hands away from my shoulders. My efforts were decidedly worthless, though. Jasper locked his hands around the top of my arms, so tightly that I almost screamed. I bit down on my tongue to keep any sound from escaping my lips, but I couldn't hold back a frightened whimper - a sound that could most likely be compared to the cry of an injured puppy. I reminded myself that all I was was just that; a scared puppy cornered by an accidentally provoked lion. With a feeling of complete sickness, I found myself weighing up the survival chances of that puppy - and they weren't particularly high.

"B-Bel-la." Jasper's voice, speaking my name, was something caught between a choke and a snarl. Although, however hard to notice it was, I could detect a hint of gentleness in his tone that seemed to lift a heavy yet invisible weight from my chest.

I couldn't even stutter out a word of my own for a while. My unblinking eyes acted as though a stretch of tape was keeping them on Jasper's, although his were now tightly shut with such force that I suspected he might've been in pain.

_This is my fault. It's my fault he's in pain-_

I drove my thoughts back as soon as I started to feel those aching prickles of guilt in my gut, concentrating only on Jasper. "I…That was a mistake," I managed to say at last. It was the only sentence that managed to form on my lips, but it wasn't what I wanted to say at all. Those false words battered back those which screamed in my mind, begging to be spoken. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I…It was an accident. That's all."

For a few seconds he showed no signs of having heard me; the creases of his firmly closed eyelids relaxed slightly, but that was all. I badly wanted to raise my hand to rest on his cheek; to smile at him and see his eyes feel with joy and love - for me. I _needed _that. The fantasy didn't last long in my mind, though. His eyes opened again. I didn't see his eyelids move at all, they snapped open too quickly. It was that one moment I was staring at the skin of his eyelids, lilac as if he were bruised, and then I could see the comforting topaz of his eyes. Relief hit me like gunshots to not see black - I might have said like a wave, but it barely lasted long enough to give me any feeling of safety or reassurance.

Jasper wasn't breathing, I could tell that much. But to see him suddenly breathe in a gulp of fresh air would have surprised me less than what he did. The edges of his lips turned up into a smile, one that reached his eyes to feel them with the joy I had only seconds ago wished for. His voice, although still slightly choked, carried a trace of something close to adoration. "You're a bad liar, Bells"

The sound of fireworks exploded through the air then; although I could see none through the layers of branches, intertwined with one another high above us to obscure my vision of the blackened sky. I could imagine it though, splashed with dozens of bright colours - like pots of paint thrown across a black canvas.

Jasper glanced towards the sky, his head tilting back very slightly. His eyes shone with the glow of the moon, glazed with a silvery sheen. I watched his eyes carefully as they remained fixated on the black gaps in the tree branches that were the sky, wondering if I might ever get the chance to see the New Year a thousand times over. If so would it still have the same meaning? A new start.

I felt a sudden cold, light pressure on my hand - which was now resting on my knee. I looked down fleetingly and smiled at the sight of Jasper's hand on mine. His fingers curled round and gave my hand a comforting squeeze. Right then - although it couldn't have lasted longer than a few seconds - I felt at home.

But that's when it happened. In reality I suppose it all occurred in the space of about twenty or thirty seconds, but my horror seemed to make time slow to a point where seconds became hours.

Jasper's hand was torn away from mine so unexpectedly and forcefully that I let out a short cry of pain - not from any physical wound. His eyes were gone, no longer watching the sky with a look of fond wonderment. His missing hand and the absence of his eyes - which I could watch forever and never tire of - were all my mind comprehended for a few moments. I lurched forward clumsily, as a blind man might if he were trying to find his missing cane. I fell forward without finding any part of Jasper. My legs remained on the tree stump; however my chin connected roughly with the forest floor. My head spun as pain flared, flashing through the injured bone like bolts of electricity. I didn't pause for long, though. I blinked rapidly and began crawling forward until my feet met me on the ground, landing with a thump behind me. My vision gradually swam back into focus, having been momentarily distorted, and I became aware of two figures a few metres ahead of me. They moved with impossible speed, swerving around each other as if they were dancing. It might have been beautiful, if not for the true intent of the _dance_. Not a second passed, and then one threw the other against a tree, holding them there with drastic force. I recognised them straight away and promptly stumbled to my feet, starting forward with an awkward sense of direction.

Edward snarled with dark ferocity, snapping his teeth dangerously close to Jasper's neck. Jasper seemed to hold Edward away from him relatively easily, although I could see he wouldn't be able to hold him for too long. His teeth were gritted together; a constant, fierce growl ripping through his throat. It was a terrible sound that I would forever hate to hear from him. I wanted his smile back, his shining eyes and musical voice telling me I was a bad liar. A part of me had been ripped away when Jasper's hand was torn from mine, and I didn't care what danger I was putting myself in to get that part back.

Although, it seemed the world had something to say about that. My left foot skidded out from under me, so suddenly that I wasn't aware that I was on the ground until I felt the soreness in my palms; grazed by fallen twigs. I grimaced and dragged myself back up to my knees, aware of several dead-looking leaves in my hair and attached to my clothes. I didn't brush them away. I wiped the dirt from my hands off on my jeans as I staggered back to my feet. A sound like thunder suddenly exploded in my ears, and I almost expected to see bolts of lightening in the sky. I _yearned _for it to just be a lightening. But I knew the hope was a lie.

Jasper and Edward had become a blur of movement, still spinning around each other in their cruel excuse for dancing. But I could see it was only Edward who was trying to attack. He had managed to collide with Jasper a few moments ago, which had caused the sound like thunder.

The blur stopped suddenly and Jasper leapt away from Edward; landing some fifteen feet up, holding onto the trunk of a tree. He moved away to crouch on one of the branches, his eyes never leaving Edward. Edward remained on the ground; as still as a statue, his expression one of sheer contempt. The awful truth was that I had completely forgotten he had been waiting outside the house for me. This wouldn't be happening if I'd remembered that.

_Stupid, Bella._

Jasper rose up from his crouch gradually, snarling down at Edward. His eyes were blazing with hate and fury, much like Edward's. It was something I never expected to see, that much hatred between the two who were so much like brothers.

Edward crouched down slightly, clenching and unclenching his fists at his sides. I noticed a large tear across the arm of his shirt, then another across the back. My eyes then snapped back to Jasper, whose clothes were torn in much the same way. There were no wounds, though. I had to remind myself that it was virtually impossible for them to injure one another, with anything other than a bite. Of course there wasn't.

Edward tensed his legs suddenly, and I could see he was planning to leap straight at Jasper. If that happened, he would definitely be able to hurt him - if not take the opportunity to kill him. I could see that from the vicious look in his eyes.

I wouldn't be able to reach them in time; I knew that. They were about twenty feet from me, and _much _faster. So I did all I could think of.

I screamed.

"_Jasper!_"

No. That was not me. My scream was wordless.

"_Edward!_"

Nor was that.

My scream ended not a second later. A cold, stone-hard hand clamped over my mouth. But I wasn't afraid of who the hand belonged to. I nodded my head once and the hand dropped, slowly and with caution. I let out a breath and watched as it drifted away like a cloud. I looked to my side and saw Emmett, staring ahead with the expression of someone who knew they had to do something terrible. He didn't look at me before running towards his brothers, followed shortly by Rosalie - she regarded me with only a scowl. I caught sight of Alice and Esme - the two voices that had interrupted my screaming session - holding onto Edward. Esme had one hand rested on his face, staring into his eyes with motherly affection. Alice was holding his arms, watching him but saying nothing.

I saw her look over at me once. Her expression was unreadable.

And, in his spot on the tree, Jasper had turned to stare towards the moon. There were no fireworks now. They had stopped after the first clap of _thunder_, like it was the flick of some oversized switch. Some delusion in my mind made me think I could hear him breathing, but it was only the amplified sound of my own.

Jasper turned aside all of a sudden and dropped down from the tree with a feline's grace. He was walking the moment his feet hit the ground, away from Edward and the rest of his family. He was heading in my general direction, but his eyes stared straight past me as if I weren't there. He frowned and I glanced over my shoulder to see what had caught his attention. I automatically stepped aside, my eyes widening in surprise. Carlisle was standing slightly behind me, watching Jasper as he approached. He raised his hand and rested it on my shoulder, forcing himself to look at me and smile. It did little to comfort me, really.

Jasper stopped in front of Carlisle, his eyes betraying his guilt. He was guilty about my feelings, as well as his own. I could tell that much by the split-second glance he gave me.

"What ever your decision in this matter, Jasper," Carlisle said softly, "do no let Edward's actions affect what you decide. It is unfair…" -He gave me a glance, just as swift as Jasper's- "to everyone involved."

Jasper nodded in response and Carlisle dropped his hand from my shoulder. His gaze lingered on Edward for a moment and he sighed, but did not make any move towards him. Jasper began walking again and I felt a something like a stab in my chest to know he would walk right past me. But he didn't. He reached out for my arm and gently spun me round to walk along beside him. His arm wrapped around my waist and he pulled me closer to him. My head dropped instantly to rest on his shoulder, as if this was something I was used to.

Jasper wasn't breathing.

"Bella."

Jasper and I stopped as Carlisle called my name, but I didn't look back and neither did he. "Please go to my study, and wait for me," he said, almost sounding tired. "I need to talk with you."

Jasper and I looked at each other in unison, us both with expressions of confusion. "OK," I answered simply, my voice gritty and my throat sore. Carlisle didn't speak again.

Jasper placed a soft kiss on the top of my head; his eyes squeezed shut as he did so. "I'll wait with you," he whispered.

I breathed in heavily and nodded. I smiled up at him and he chuckled quietly. "You look so worried," he noted. "Don't be. It's Carlisle, he won't eat you."

I breathed a quick laugh. I didn't have enough humour in me to muster up anything more. "Funny."

Jasper chuckled again and started walking. I fell into step with him and closed my eyes, letting him guide me. We walked in silence for a few minutes, but after while I could hear him starting to hum - it was a beautiful sound. I didn't recognise the tune, but it was comforting. I snuggled against Jasper as we walked and he tightened his hold around my waist. I smiled, taking that moment as one of the few we would ever get.

* * *

I'll try to get the next chapter up by next week. it will NOT be in the next fews days unfortunately. My mate is having a random party tomorrow as an excuse to get drunk (not that i'm complaining)

PLEASE REVIEW. make me smile and all that :-)

Soffie  
xxxxx


	14. Chapter 12

Okey, I am SOOOOO sorry for the delay. I have my excuses, but they are pathetic, so i won't bother with them (unless any of you REALLY want to know, that is) But thanks to everyone who's reviewed! They are very muchly appreciated

Anyways, I tried to make this a good chapter, i put quite a bit in there, so

ENJOY

Disclaimer: After two months, I still don't own Twilight

* * *

"Why are you scared?"

"Huh?" I eased my eyes open as Jasper's voice sang through the silence. He was facing away from me, leaning against the wall with his head turned towards the window. His perfect features were once again bathed in the silver glow of the moon, although he now appeared to be deep in thought. His expression of worry was painfully obvious.

I was leaning against the same wall, sitting on the floor with my knees pulled to my chest. I felt a deep crease form along my forehead as I frowned and I attempted to relax it; unsuccessfully.

I hadn't caught Jasper's gaze anywhere near me since we left Carlisle in the woods, and we hadn't spoken to each other since entering Carlisle's study, nor had he even glanced away from the window. I stared at him for a few seconds but I knew he wasn't going to turn around, at least until I answered him, so I twisted my head the other way and rested it on my knees. I didn't speak.

"Why are you scared, Bella?" Jasper repeated.

I sighed and hugged my knees tighter, squeezing my eyes shut. "I'm not scared," I insisted, even though at that very moment I swear I could feel my heart thundering against my ribcage. It goes without saying really, but it was not a pleasant sensation.

Jasper let out a breath, quivering with irritation. "Just don't bother," he said softly. "Not only do I know you well enough to tell when you're lying, but your fear is practically battering me."

I had nothing to say to that. It's a very rare occurrence that I forget he feels my emotions just as badly as I do. In fact, I'm fairly sure I've never forgotten that before. It's always a thought lingering somewhere in the back of my mind, every time we're together.

_He knows exactly what I'm feeling. He knows how I feel about everything he says to me._

That thought scared me - I'll admit, it did. But there were others that scared me far more.

_He probably knows what I'm feeling before I do…_

That was another slightly terrifying thought.

I stared down at my knees and sighed a simple, "oh", and shook my head in embarrassment. I didn't raise my eyes for another minutes or so and I was sure Jasper's gaze wouldn't have strayed from the window. But when I did look up he was knelt beside me. He had moved with the silence of a ghost, and he still made no noise - I heard not even the shallow sound of his breathing. I didn't flinch when I suddenly saw him at my side, nor did I answer his questioning expression. I sighed once more and shuffled towards him, resting my head on his arm. In truth, I fully expected him to move away from me; to say something about how much he loved Alice and that I shouldn't be doing this to Edward - something along those line, I suppose. But, as usual, he surprised me.

Jasper moved his arm around my shoulders and sat down beside me, keeping one leg bent to rest his other arm across it. He pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head; and he took hold of my hand, resting it on his knee with his.

I honestly don't think I've ever been so comfortable.

I rested my head against his chest and sighed peacefully. It was like resting my head on a marble floor, but I could almost imagine hearing the comforting sound of a heart beating in his chest. And I already felt calmer. Although it was definitely Jasper's doing, I wasn't sure whether it was more than just his being there for me. But I couldn't bring myself to care whether he was influencing my emotions or not.

And I think that feeling lasted for about fifteen seconds.

My eyes had been drifting closed, my minds slipping into unconsciousness despite the cold marble against my cheek. But I was abruptly fully awake; my eyes open widely as if something had smacked me across the head. All the reasons why I was afraid, they'd managed to drift from my thoughts; but now they all came rushing back into my head like they were powered through on a steam engine.

Jasper tensed suddenly. I could tell mostly because he had been gently rubbing his thumb against the back of my hand - he'd stopped the moment my eyes snapped open.

"They s-saw you," I stuttered. I turned my head to look at him, fully aware that his face was only inches from mine.

He didn't look confused, or curious. He understood completely. His eyes didn't leave mine as he nodded and muttered, "I know."

I gulped and slowly pulled my hand from his, but only so I could wrap my arms around his waist. "Will you have to leave?" I asked quietly.

Jasper paused briefly before answering. "Yes."

And I suddenly felt like a bowling ball was sitting in my throat. I swallowed hard but the feeling didn't fade at all - if anything, it made it worse.

"Won't…" I swallowed again. My mouth felt very dry all of a sudden. "Won't that make people more suspicious, more likely to look into-"

"Bella," Jasper interjected gently. He smiled at me and I saw the look in his eyes; it was familiar because I remember when Edward used looked at me like that. "Don't make excuses for us. Please, don't. I will have to leave this house, yes, and the school - we all will."

I opened my mouth to speak again but he cut me off with a chuckle.

Jasper raised his eyebrows and leant towards me. His voice was quiet when he spoke, but I didn't miss a word. "But I won't ever leave _you_."

There was a sudden ache in my chest at those words. I took in a trembling breath to ease the pain but it was still there, like someone was sitting on my chest. But I wasn't so stupid to wonder for long what caused this feeling. Jasper was smiling at me, the only person I would ever really _need _in my life, and I would always want to be with him. And that was what hurt. He _would _have to leave me. I wasn't going to be with him forever. He was going to leave, and then I would die - No matter what.

"I'll stay and keep you safe," he promised, kissing my head again. It almost felt as though his lips burnt me. "Is that all that you're scared of, Bella?" He asked quietly, playing with a strand of my hair in an absent-minded sort of way.

I smiled softly and forced back a wave of relentless tears. Jasper's face blurred for a few seconds through the water that glazed my eyes. I blinked the tears away and nodded. "Of course," I whispered.

Jasper frowned and his eyes trailed back to mine. He was about to speak, but his eyes suddenly darted towards the door. I was standing a moment later, upright without making any effort.

"Carlisle's here," Jasper announced, sounding annoyed. He was still holding me against him, his arms wrapped around me protectively as if Carlisle might attack me. The notion was ridiculous, of course, though.

I looked up at him and took in a shaking breath. "Don't worry," I said, smirking. "Carlisle won't eat me."

* * *

I remember, that night…was when everything changed.

Carlisle was stood by the window like a statue, his arms folded and his unblinking eyes watching me. I stood opposite him with the composure of a convicted criminal. I shuffled my feet uneasily, numerously scanning over the uninteresting floor with my eyes as I waited for him to speak. My feelings were similar to what it must be like to be assessed at a job interview; uncomfortable, nervous, slightly afraid…But I reminded myself that this was just Carlisle. I had no reason to be scared of him.

I turned my attention to the black sky outside the window. I immediately found myself thinking of Jasper. He was waiting outside somewhere for me, after losing the argument with Carlisle that he should stay. Apparently what he was going to say was for my ears only, however unacceptable we both were to the idea of separating again. That thought led me to Jamie. He had become one of my best friends, and I hated the image in my mind of his terrified face after he saw me fall. I wondered where he was now, and what rumours were being spread about Jasper and me. Everyone at that _celebration_ saw him suddenly appear under the stairs and catch me. No human can move that fast. Then he steps outside and we both disappear.

Did Jamie see him run?

"Jasper told you, didn't he?"

Carlisle's question threw me off guard. I'd been lost in my thoughts and wasn't prepared to answer, but I wasn't going to lie either way. I just didn't have time to debate whether Jasper would have wanted me to.

"Yes," I answered quietly. "He told me."

Carlisle nodded once and blinked heavily. "You understand that there is no way to stop this?"

I nodded.

"But Jasper doesn't."

I paused, then nodded again.

Carlisle sighed and turned his head aside, staring outside. His pale face was bathed in the soft light of the moon, and suddenly he was Jasper; watching the night sky with a light smile that I could never tire of. He stood like that for a while, and it hurt. It hurt that I wasn't standing with him, holding him. He turned to me and spoke, but it was not Jasper's voice. "Alice has had another vision," Carlisle explained, breaking me out of my delirium. Because it was not Jasper by the window. He wasn't there anymore. "Bella?" Carlisle whispered. "Are you alright?" He spoke softly, like a doctor confessing the fate of a terminal patient. It was ironic, really. Ironic…and really, really sick.

I sucked in a breath and nodded sharply. "I'm…fine."

Carlisle's suspicion was evident by the look in his eyes, but he didn't question my response. "She won't tell Jasper," he said. "Not unless you want her to."

I turned my head aside and closed my eyes. I could see his face, his golden eyes, his smile…He was the only thought that remained constant in my mind. "I want to talk to him," I said slowly as my eyes drifted open again. I looked at Carlisle. "I have to tell him…"

Carlisle smiled and a small chuckle escaped his lips. "He knows, Bella."

I chuckled too, but not in the same, good-humoured way. "Then, I guess you all do." I sighed sadly. "Alice…?"

"Alice doesn't hate you for what you feel, if that is what you're thinking," Carlisle said, answering my exact thoughts.

I breathed out suddenly, unaware that I was even holding my breath. I would have expected Alice to react like any human, with utter rage and a longing for revenge. But I could feel my relief as if it were a physical being. I wasn't going to lose her…not yet, anyway.

Carlisle looked up at me. I wasn't sure it was even possible, but all of a sudden he looked older. "And she doesn't hate Jasper either, for what…he feels."

And all at once, the reality of everything Carlisle said hit me like bullets.

* * *

"Jasper…"

I found him ten minutes later laying across a tree branch, watching the slowly brightening sky. The grey clouds were already spreading across the sky, though; showing the true face of dark, dreary Forks.

He looked down at me and smiled. He may as well have punched me in the chest…because this was going to hurt so much.

Jasper swung himself off the branch and landed in a slight crouch, barely a metre ahead of me. I could feel the tears forming in my eyes already but I blinked then back before Jasper looked up again. He straightened up and took a step forward before pulling me into his arms. I swallowed and returned his embrace; even so, I couldn't let myself think of him. Because I so wanted for this to be my home, with Jasper. I would stay with him forever if the chance was presented to me; a chance that didn't result in me ruining the somehow peaceful existence of the Cullens. They had their life, and I wouldn't ruin it; and I wouldn't keep hurting Jasper.

I drew away from Jasper, although I remained standing less than a few inches from him. I blinked and smiled gently at him. His returning smile seemed to be more beautiful, more loving than ever…somehow. I raised my hand to softly rest on his face, slowly stroking his cheek. His eyes fluttered closed and he leant into my hand, breathing in slowly - with his smile hurting me more by the second. He raised his hand to hold against mine and moved his face round to kiss my palm. I swallowed down the lump in my throat once again and breathed out. Jasper opened his eyes abruptly, his smile faded, and he lowered his hand, still loosely holding mine.

"Bella…" Jasper whispered, although he wasn't asking me anything. I'd been telling myself until then that this wasn't going to hurt him. He didn't care for me enough. But, as arrogant as you may think this sounds, I knew he did. It was then, I think, that I realised Carlisle had been right.

Jasper raised his other hand and ran his fingers through my hair, resting his hand at the back of my neck. I knew I was holding my breath this time, as my gaze drifted from his beautiful, topaz eyes to his lips. I caught a glimpse of his smile again - the last time I would ever see it - and then he kissed me.

It was not like the first time; which seemed a lifetime ago by then, although it wasn't more than a few hours earlier. Jasper did not try to attack me this time, and I knew he wouldn't. He pulled me tighter against him, wrapping his arm around my waist as he deepened our kiss. Even less than a day ago, this moment that I would think to be a dream would be everything to me. But this wasn't the start of my life with Jasper.

This was my goodbye.

I pulled back and stared at Jasper for a few moments, memorising every feature that I would miss. But I knew them all already. I was only prolonging our last few minutes together. Because I wasn't the Bella who met Jamie, anymore. I was the weak Bella who met Edward, and fell in love with his brother.

"Jasper…" I laughed in a sick way and shook my head. "I can't even say this."

Jasper frowned but he said nothing. He knew well enough that I needed time to say something hard. Encouragement wouldn't help at all.

I sighed deeply and rested my head against his chest. He rested his hand at the back of my head and kissed my hair, waiting.

It took a long time of silence but it seemed to no choice of words could make this any less painful. I took a breath and held him tighter. Maybe, then, he wouldn't let go.

"You have to let me die, Jasper."

* * *

THE END

Not. sorry. I'm in the habit of bad jokes at the moment. =P

Hope it was liked, it took two Travis albums and The Cab to write

PLEASE review. I'm paranoid about this chapter, tell me if i should be.

Soffie  
xxxxx


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